08-13-2019, 03:51 PM
Yesternight, as I decided to "go big or go home" on doing my loops, I found myself thinking: "I am not yet willing to give up on myself". Doing another 3 loops tonight. I am kinda at the end of the first one. Started feeling actual physical pain in my right foot, pretty much all of it, and then I found telling myself this particular phrase often used in, urm, Rule 4 stuff, and then another one of similar ilk which I have devised myself, and then the physical pain passed and I felt waves of pleasant energy going up from my leg. As if something got cleared.
I've also started doing some stuff outside of the sub for mood elevation and the like, as this had all the makings of an onset of a major depressive episode (I can tell because: a) I started smoking a whole cartload, b) I stopped eating (and I like food *thiiis* much, so that's a big red flag), c) I started getting hypersomniac, and I need to keep this under control or else I'll end up in a downward spiral.
The plan is to hit this hard and fast.
Going to have a productive day tomorrow.
I've also started doing some stuff outside of the sub for mood elevation and the like, as this had all the makings of an onset of a major depressive episode (I can tell because: a) I started smoking a whole cartload, b) I stopped eating (and I like food *thiiis* much, so that's a big red flag), c) I started getting hypersomniac, and I need to keep this under control or else I'll end up in a downward spiral.
The plan is to hit this hard and fast.
Going to have a productive day tomorrow.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
