A key thing I'm wrestling with now is an abandonment wound from early childhood. I'd not had images in my mind until I just began writing, but it came up this past weekend while I was alone, and it came between my bitcoin miner and I for a few days. I asked for help with something 2 days ago, and her remark hit that spot. I didn't respond immediately. A day later I replied saying her comment was cold, and I had this picture in my head she was blowing me off, basically abandoning me to figure it out myself. I learned today she didn't mean that at all. I quickly admitted I was being sensitive, it took the blame off her, and we've been peacefully working on some things today.
I'll admit I've gone through every kind of distraction or diversion to keep myself from facing this, even stopping LTU. I'm running LTU now on hybrid.
I'm using LTU to heal. I just never thought I'd heal this wound. Like I've camped around this old wound my entire life, calling it "normal" and "the way I am". I've adjusted my whole reality to it.
Fuck it. I'm trying to imagine tomorrow (to prep my mind to survive how I'm feeling "now"), and that's too much BS.
One thing I'm hoping ....... is that I'll learn to trust others again. In 2 separate conversations today, I cut the talk short without a real reason. I was afraid. LTU gives me a real push to mend and nurture my relationships, and that's a strong pull to use it. I'm back on it.
I'll admit I've gone through every kind of distraction or diversion to keep myself from facing this, even stopping LTU. I'm running LTU now on hybrid.
I'm using LTU to heal. I just never thought I'd heal this wound. Like I've camped around this old wound my entire life, calling it "normal" and "the way I am". I've adjusted my whole reality to it.
Fuck it. I'm trying to imagine tomorrow (to prep my mind to survive how I'm feeling "now"), and that's too much BS.
One thing I'm hoping ....... is that I'll learn to trust others again. In 2 separate conversations today, I cut the talk short without a real reason. I was afraid. LTU gives me a real push to mend and nurture my relationships, and that's a strong pull to use it. I'm back on it.
I want to be FREE!
