08-01-2019, 03:25 PM
Woke up super tired. On my way to drop my Daughter off to school there was a big traffic jam that I was stuck in for a good 30 minutes. Although I was annoyed, I didn't flip out and become fuming mad like I would have in the past. Once I got to work (late), I noticed that I was in a horrible mood, but it was because of my fatigue. I usually greet most people there but I spoke to absolutely no one for the first 90 minutes.
A few people here and there pointed it out in a comical way, and my Manager even offered to listen to why my mood was so foul. My mood didn't improve until I had a cup and a half of coffee. While I was angry though, I channeled the anger into focus and was highly productive. That's become the norm since I've been on LTU. My 18-19 hour days are really starting to wear on me, and of course I'm even more drained when on LTU.
I'm also staring to notice that I'm growing subconsciously bored of LTU and I'm entertaining thoughts of ending my run a few weeks early. I'm not going to; because hell, I've come extremely far with this sub, and even if it's work is done, I at least know that continuing until September will only deepen, extend, and reinforce the results I've already attained. Still notice that although I'm putting in some effort to still socialize, I can feel myself still growing colder. Not sure what the cause is, kind of don't even care, as long as it doesn't negatively effect me long-term.
Had an epiphany yesterday that every time I've fallen in love with a woman, I've allowed myself to put the woman on a pedestal without even realizing it. Of course; because I stopped putting myself first, I lost focus after a certain amount of time and lost my "edge" and ambition in life, which in turn, probably is what caused these women to become complacent and bored. Kind of makes sense now on to why some of them either cheated or simply told me they were no longer happy. This realization has led me to the decision to not allow myself to "fall in love" ever again. I don't mind providing, protecting, and showing love to a woman if I actually care for her, but the days of placing anyone at all before myself are over with. people come and go after all, just a fact of life.
Also, if all a woman offers is sex and good looks, without being willing to help enhance and elevate my life, she's out the door quicker than she came. May take some work but I probably won't even allow myself to have sex with her unless I can see her being around long-term. For me, sex deepens my attachment to a woman, not that I become a stalker, but of course knowing that we're sexually active would increase the chances of me keeping a woman in my circle. But, now that I've matured, sharing an hour or so of pleasure is no longer a valid reason for me associating with a woman. it's a nice addition, but I refuse to let it be the reason why a woman that doesn't add value to my life to stick around. It would have to be a win-win situation where we can help elevate one another.
A few people here and there pointed it out in a comical way, and my Manager even offered to listen to why my mood was so foul. My mood didn't improve until I had a cup and a half of coffee. While I was angry though, I channeled the anger into focus and was highly productive. That's become the norm since I've been on LTU. My 18-19 hour days are really starting to wear on me, and of course I'm even more drained when on LTU.
I'm also staring to notice that I'm growing subconsciously bored of LTU and I'm entertaining thoughts of ending my run a few weeks early. I'm not going to; because hell, I've come extremely far with this sub, and even if it's work is done, I at least know that continuing until September will only deepen, extend, and reinforce the results I've already attained. Still notice that although I'm putting in some effort to still socialize, I can feel myself still growing colder. Not sure what the cause is, kind of don't even care, as long as it doesn't negatively effect me long-term.
Had an epiphany yesterday that every time I've fallen in love with a woman, I've allowed myself to put the woman on a pedestal without even realizing it. Of course; because I stopped putting myself first, I lost focus after a certain amount of time and lost my "edge" and ambition in life, which in turn, probably is what caused these women to become complacent and bored. Kind of makes sense now on to why some of them either cheated or simply told me they were no longer happy. This realization has led me to the decision to not allow myself to "fall in love" ever again. I don't mind providing, protecting, and showing love to a woman if I actually care for her, but the days of placing anyone at all before myself are over with. people come and go after all, just a fact of life.
Also, if all a woman offers is sex and good looks, without being willing to help enhance and elevate my life, she's out the door quicker than she came. May take some work but I probably won't even allow myself to have sex with her unless I can see her being around long-term. For me, sex deepens my attachment to a woman, not that I become a stalker, but of course knowing that we're sexually active would increase the chances of me keeping a woman in my circle. But, now that I've matured, sharing an hour or so of pleasure is no longer a valid reason for me associating with a woman. it's a nice addition, but I refuse to let it be the reason why a woman that doesn't add value to my life to stick around. It would have to be a win-win situation where we can help elevate one another.
