07-22-2019, 06:30 AM
Feeling pretty uncomfortable.
I got rejected and openly dismissed today by a man I've known for a couple of months on another forum. It hurts mainly since it points back to my long time uncomfortable habit of seeking men's acceptance constantly after failures. I realized that I purposefully sabotage my progress regularly, yet will return seeking acceptance. I've created such a (quite fucked up) dependence on others liking and loving me, and I'm not happy with my results.
It's my creation. Blame isn't my goal.
Whether it's in subliminals, personal recovery, or anything desirable, I've used this numerous times. I'll move ahead in something, get scared (will listen to fear), purposely or passively fail, and will return seeking some emotional "handout", which is mainly me manipulating people's emotions. That's me. I've done this hundreds of times over the years. I'd just never felt able or strong enough to do something different. I never thought differently. Something is shifting.
I use LTU5 since it's eliminating the victim mentality (aka "helpless), it's eroding fear, and ..........my sense of responsibility is changing. I used to want anyone/everyone else to be responsible for me. Kids do that, and good parents teach children step by step how to take responsibility for themselves. I'm seeing I'm the only one who will do that for me, and I've not had a regular relationship with my inner child. Seriously, the silence I have with my own daughter mirrors the silence I have with the me inside.
I'd like to change. I want to change. This time I need to be honest with myself (fear came up while writing)........I'm just SICK of faking it! My own decisions are hurting me. I'm on my 2nd day of rest. I'd do LTU loops if it wouldn't exhaust me. May I ask for your opinion @Shannon?
I might go walk at the beach, to do something different. I just don't want to be "toxic" today. And there's fear in change.
Edit: I just realized I keep trying to slide back into childish thinking and behaviours. I'm trying to dodge responsibility. FUCK!
I got rejected and openly dismissed today by a man I've known for a couple of months on another forum. It hurts mainly since it points back to my long time uncomfortable habit of seeking men's acceptance constantly after failures. I realized that I purposefully sabotage my progress regularly, yet will return seeking acceptance. I've created such a (quite fucked up) dependence on others liking and loving me, and I'm not happy with my results.
It's my creation. Blame isn't my goal.
Whether it's in subliminals, personal recovery, or anything desirable, I've used this numerous times. I'll move ahead in something, get scared (will listen to fear), purposely or passively fail, and will return seeking some emotional "handout", which is mainly me manipulating people's emotions. That's me. I've done this hundreds of times over the years. I'd just never felt able or strong enough to do something different. I never thought differently. Something is shifting.
I use LTU5 since it's eliminating the victim mentality (aka "helpless), it's eroding fear, and ..........my sense of responsibility is changing. I used to want anyone/everyone else to be responsible for me. Kids do that, and good parents teach children step by step how to take responsibility for themselves. I'm seeing I'm the only one who will do that for me, and I've not had a regular relationship with my inner child. Seriously, the silence I have with my own daughter mirrors the silence I have with the me inside.
I'd like to change. I want to change. This time I need to be honest with myself (fear came up while writing)........I'm just SICK of faking it! My own decisions are hurting me. I'm on my 2nd day of rest. I'd do LTU loops if it wouldn't exhaust me. May I ask for your opinion @Shannon?
I might go walk at the beach, to do something different. I just don't want to be "toxic" today. And there's fear in change.
Edit: I just realized I keep trying to slide back into childish thinking and behaviours. I'm trying to dodge responsibility. FUCK!
I want to be FREE!
