I'm home from Kentucky, actually quietly grateful LTU has greatly helped my mood while with my ex and daughter. I had no major conflicts, and I routinely listened and communicated with both, seeking to show I cared. It was a very loving and positive experience.
One thing which sticks out to me upon returning, even as I'm alone here in my bed: I am routinely being very self critical. When I got home, I knew my milk was bad, so I went to pick some up along with other things. I was critical of myself (in my head), and it showed up with 2 separate cashiers. I was wearing self-dissatisfaction on my face. I was critical of myself before the exchanges, and after. An old part of me yearns to seek attention for this, but something different is running through my head. Like "that's not where you'll find good love and attention". And since running LTU more, it's like there're memories of those old strings to the victim mindset, but they've decayed and withered. I'm seeing this in my mind presently.
I made a run of 8 hybrid loops tonight, me wondering if me pushing more loops would have negative effects (I'd read Shannon's post about people doing too much of UMS). I don't know. But I'd begun with it on repeat, so I limited it some.
Lastly, sitting here, I'm feeling free of something (?). I even shed a tear before writing that. It felt like grief.
One thing which sticks out to me upon returning, even as I'm alone here in my bed: I am routinely being very self critical. When I got home, I knew my milk was bad, so I went to pick some up along with other things. I was critical of myself (in my head), and it showed up with 2 separate cashiers. I was wearing self-dissatisfaction on my face. I was critical of myself before the exchanges, and after. An old part of me yearns to seek attention for this, but something different is running through my head. Like "that's not where you'll find good love and attention". And since running LTU more, it's like there're memories of those old strings to the victim mindset, but they've decayed and withered. I'm seeing this in my mind presently.
I made a run of 8 hybrid loops tonight, me wondering if me pushing more loops would have negative effects (I'd read Shannon's post about people doing too much of UMS). I don't know. But I'd begun with it on repeat, so I limited it some.
Lastly, sitting here, I'm feeling free of something (?). I even shed a tear before writing that. It felt like grief.
I want to be FREE!
