Day 16:
I tried to revive a connection that I had with a girl that I met last year at my gym. We did flirt a bit together. I must have documented my exchange with her somewhere in my DMSI journal. She did reach me out on FB but I had not tried to make a move on her. Back last year, she had a BF (I never bothered to try to figure out if she is monogamous or not... This is an excellent follow-up question whenever a girl replies back... I have a bf). I was hoping that she would come back to the gym at some point but as the time pass, it looks like more unlikely every day.
So monday, I started to chat with her... I tried to invite her to come share a drink with me. She provided some sort of ambigous reply. It wasn't yes. It wasn't no. I cannot blame her to not give me a clear answer when I am myself beating around the bush.
So today, I took my courage with 2 hands and did told her what I was wanting from her explicitly. I was expecting one reaction from these 2:
1. No thank, I'm not interested
2. A big drama <--- this is the one that I wanted because that would have mean that I have stumbled into a Wholesome Pretender...
So far, FB indicates me that she red the message but hasn't replied back. Again this can be 1 or 2 thing:
1. She hasn't fully processed yet my request
2. She is a timewaster
Either way, I'm going to leave her alone from now on except if I hear back from her. Bottomline, I did find this experiment beneficial. It did allow me to overcome my fear to be Mode One and this is boosting my confidence as nothing bad did happen from being Mode One.
but OMG, I am realizing how strong this fear of being criticized for expressing my sexual interest is. This fear probably come from years of social programming brainwash. I didn't realized that it was there because I was simply avoiding doing it. Hopefully, SM3 Overcoming Approach Anxiety will assist me to get rid of that ridiculous fear...
I had small errands to do and I decided to go by walking over there. Not 3 minutes after having left my house. A black woman in car stopped beside me to ask me about direction (If that is a SM3 manifestation, this is very good!). I had no idea where the street she was looking for was. So I did offer her to pull over so that I can check on my phone where her destination is.
So I went on the passenger side window and I started to seach her destination. I find out that she is a nurse going for a job interview. I look in my phone, find the street. Give her direction to go there. As I am doing this, I have the time to look at her a little bit better. She wears a short sexy dress that shows off her big breast. I give her my phone # in case that she gets lost another time but I also say: You call me too if you want to go have drink to celebrate your new job with me because I find you sexy.
Damn... It is so hard to be mode 1. I should have been more direct. I cannot think of a scenario that is more similar to what you can find in a cheesy porn movie when they still go through the trouble to make some sort of story around the sex...
Well, it wasn't as direct as I want to be... but it is not impossible neither that she won't call back or txt me... We will see... One small improvement at a time... I'll eventually master that shit...
I tried to revive a connection that I had with a girl that I met last year at my gym. We did flirt a bit together. I must have documented my exchange with her somewhere in my DMSI journal. She did reach me out on FB but I had not tried to make a move on her. Back last year, she had a BF (I never bothered to try to figure out if she is monogamous or not... This is an excellent follow-up question whenever a girl replies back... I have a bf). I was hoping that she would come back to the gym at some point but as the time pass, it looks like more unlikely every day.
So monday, I started to chat with her... I tried to invite her to come share a drink with me. She provided some sort of ambigous reply. It wasn't yes. It wasn't no. I cannot blame her to not give me a clear answer when I am myself beating around the bush.
So today, I took my courage with 2 hands and did told her what I was wanting from her explicitly. I was expecting one reaction from these 2:
1. No thank, I'm not interested
2. A big drama <--- this is the one that I wanted because that would have mean that I have stumbled into a Wholesome Pretender...
So far, FB indicates me that she red the message but hasn't replied back. Again this can be 1 or 2 thing:
1. She hasn't fully processed yet my request
2. She is a timewaster
Either way, I'm going to leave her alone from now on except if I hear back from her. Bottomline, I did find this experiment beneficial. It did allow me to overcome my fear to be Mode One and this is boosting my confidence as nothing bad did happen from being Mode One.
but OMG, I am realizing how strong this fear of being criticized for expressing my sexual interest is. This fear probably come from years of social programming brainwash. I didn't realized that it was there because I was simply avoiding doing it. Hopefully, SM3 Overcoming Approach Anxiety will assist me to get rid of that ridiculous fear...
I had small errands to do and I decided to go by walking over there. Not 3 minutes after having left my house. A black woman in car stopped beside me to ask me about direction (If that is a SM3 manifestation, this is very good!). I had no idea where the street she was looking for was. So I did offer her to pull over so that I can check on my phone where her destination is.
So I went on the passenger side window and I started to seach her destination. I find out that she is a nurse going for a job interview. I look in my phone, find the street. Give her direction to go there. As I am doing this, I have the time to look at her a little bit better. She wears a short sexy dress that shows off her big breast. I give her my phone # in case that she gets lost another time but I also say: You call me too if you want to go have drink to celebrate your new job with me because I find you sexy.
Damn... It is so hard to be mode 1. I should have been more direct. I cannot think of a scenario that is more similar to what you can find in a cheesy porn movie when they still go through the trouble to make some sort of story around the sex...
Well, it wasn't as direct as I want to be... but it is not impossible neither that she won't call back or txt me... We will see... One small improvement at a time... I'll eventually master that shit...
