06-11-2019, 10:07 AM
Day 107
A day off.
No news yet on the toad medicine or when I might do that.
It seemed like this grief hit hard about two weeks ago, and that vaguely corresponds to when I stopped taking "adrenal support" pills in a simplification of my supplements. So I reordered them, and will start again when they come in. I still want to heal this existential terror/grief, and so even if the pills help I'm still going to go for the toad medicine.
Thursday through Saturday of last week (days 102–104), I pushed myself to go and do social stuff. Usually I feel burned out in that area, and lately I've felt completely dead emotionally, but I managed to go. There was a speed dating ad on my Facebook, and I said "fuck it".
Thursday: "Speed Dating 2.0" where you log into their app on your phone and find each person milling around. That is far less awesome than it sounds, mostly because that means that no one can put their phone into DnD and is constantly looking down to figure out moves. I had a handful of interesting conversations but nothing came out of it. Best interaction: Her: "So, what are your plans for the weekend?" Me, confused: "Laundry?"
Friday: A woman I matched with on Bumble. (I match maybe every month or two.) She was Japanese, in town for sales support. She kinda matched the pictures, but in person I wasn't interested. And I had real problems understanding her, so we chatted and split up.
Saturday: Speed dating; I was comped, which was good since there were only six women and if I'd paid I'd have been angry. On one hand, I was on fire. I put on my charming personality over my exhaustion and had great conversations, finding some little topic that I could talk about, and turning that into five solid minutes of connection. On the other hand, none of them was physically attractive to me. I prefer women skinnier, and they were my weight and up. I'm 75kg (165lbs), so that is tough.
So yay, got myself out there. Oh well, not much to show for it.
A day off.
No news yet on the toad medicine or when I might do that.
It seemed like this grief hit hard about two weeks ago, and that vaguely corresponds to when I stopped taking "adrenal support" pills in a simplification of my supplements. So I reordered them, and will start again when they come in. I still want to heal this existential terror/grief, and so even if the pills help I'm still going to go for the toad medicine.
Thursday through Saturday of last week (days 102–104), I pushed myself to go and do social stuff. Usually I feel burned out in that area, and lately I've felt completely dead emotionally, but I managed to go. There was a speed dating ad on my Facebook, and I said "fuck it".
Thursday: "Speed Dating 2.0" where you log into their app on your phone and find each person milling around. That is far less awesome than it sounds, mostly because that means that no one can put their phone into DnD and is constantly looking down to figure out moves. I had a handful of interesting conversations but nothing came out of it. Best interaction: Her: "So, what are your plans for the weekend?" Me, confused: "Laundry?"
Friday: A woman I matched with on Bumble. (I match maybe every month or two.) She was Japanese, in town for sales support. She kinda matched the pictures, but in person I wasn't interested. And I had real problems understanding her, so we chatted and split up.
Saturday: Speed dating; I was comped, which was good since there were only six women and if I'd paid I'd have been angry. On one hand, I was on fire. I put on my charming personality over my exhaustion and had great conversations, finding some little topic that I could talk about, and turning that into five solid minutes of connection. On the other hand, none of them was physically attractive to me. I prefer women skinnier, and they were my weight and up. I'm 75kg (165lbs), so that is tough.
So yay, got myself out there. Oh well, not much to show for it.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
