E2 Journal

[Greenduck]

I'm doing the wim hof breathing today then. Other than that, what work is to be done?

Nice. That and some grounding meditation I think will help you find your balance and your center.

I feel like I need a close friend. Somebody I can confide in.
My therapist doesn't do it for me. I dunno, maybe I'm just missing what I had. I feel isolated. And ashamed. I feel like I'm not able to be as functional as everyone expects me to be today.

Have you tried different therapists? I read about people having a huge effect depending on who they see. You need someone who can understand and empathise with where you are, if they can't they guidance is seldom of much use to you.

I dunno how I'll be functional enough to work and keep a steady job, and also go to school. I'm barely holding it together and i'm just NOT functional anymore.

Just start with the important stuff. Like securing an income. Take it in small steps. Set a goal of getting a job and making some cash and you will feel more in control of your situation. You can always start to study, it's never too late, so don't stress about that. Get a job, don't set to much expectations of it being the best job you can possibly have, just a decent job which you can handle with colleagues that can be your friends. Work in a warehouse or drive über, whatever. Get some cash, buy E3, keep doing daily small steps towards getting healthier and in 1 year you will be in another place from where you are today. "Every principle holds a promise". You are your own worst enemy setting the kind of pressure on yourself with the expectations you have right now, so try to take it down a notch and just keep your life simple. Development will come with time, but right now you need to find some solid ground under your feet.