05-24-2019, 12:46 AM
Day 54:
Normally, I am uninterested in people sharing their dreams, but this one made a difference in my perspective, so I'll mention it. I went to bed early after drinking a liter of beer last night. The alcohol caused me to have... vivid dreams I guess, that were different from the norm. Anyway, I dreamed about creating a heroic journey for myself. I then woke up and thought about it and realized that when I posted my post about suggesting a "perfect adventure" manifestation sub, what I really wanted was a heroic journey. So then I started thinking about our lives as narratives following the heroic journey pattern, like what if being born on Earth is in itself a heroic journey? What's my journey? What part of the journey am I experiencing. I thought about how in a heroic journey, a hero's got an issue that needs to change, they get called to adventure, go looking for something greater, find it, experience a great dark point, and then get through it a changed person. I realize my problem was that I had a fear based mentality that needed validation from others and needed external sources of validation. Life itself is kind of the call to adventure I guess and I went searching for answers for what kind of man I want to be and what I want to become, I finally found my answers by falling in unrequited love and then having my heart broken and then experiencing a traumatic friendship breakup. I need to view this not as proof that I suck and as a defining moment that proves I'm worthless, but as a catalytic moment that helped me to become that man I've always wanted to become. Then I read Darth Xedonias's posts about becoming a "transcendent alpha" realized that's what I want to be and realize I need to let go of my need for my friend's approval if I want to become that man. I wish I had been that man when I met my friend. Maybe then the attraction would have been mutual and I would still be friends with her. But I can at least turn that experience into the catalyst I need to become that man I feel I always should have been. I call myself "Evolving Phoenix" for a reason: because I want to rise from the ashes of the self I was into the self I want to be. I want to be "reborn" as a transcendent alpha who's attractive to high value women, such as my ex-friend. But I now realize that becoming that transcendent alpha means letting go of my NEED to be attractive to women such as my ex-friend, which, ironically, will make me more attractive to them. I need to let my friend go. I need to let this obsession go. I need to let my need for external validation go. That's how I can die and be reborn from my ashes as the man I want to become. That's how I can live up to my screen name.
Normally, I am uninterested in people sharing their dreams, but this one made a difference in my perspective, so I'll mention it. I went to bed early after drinking a liter of beer last night. The alcohol caused me to have... vivid dreams I guess, that were different from the norm. Anyway, I dreamed about creating a heroic journey for myself. I then woke up and thought about it and realized that when I posted my post about suggesting a "perfect adventure" manifestation sub, what I really wanted was a heroic journey. So then I started thinking about our lives as narratives following the heroic journey pattern, like what if being born on Earth is in itself a heroic journey? What's my journey? What part of the journey am I experiencing. I thought about how in a heroic journey, a hero's got an issue that needs to change, they get called to adventure, go looking for something greater, find it, experience a great dark point, and then get through it a changed person. I realize my problem was that I had a fear based mentality that needed validation from others and needed external sources of validation. Life itself is kind of the call to adventure I guess and I went searching for answers for what kind of man I want to be and what I want to become, I finally found my answers by falling in unrequited love and then having my heart broken and then experiencing a traumatic friendship breakup. I need to view this not as proof that I suck and as a defining moment that proves I'm worthless, but as a catalytic moment that helped me to become that man I've always wanted to become. Then I read Darth Xedonias's posts about becoming a "transcendent alpha" realized that's what I want to be and realize I need to let go of my need for my friend's approval if I want to become that man. I wish I had been that man when I met my friend. Maybe then the attraction would have been mutual and I would still be friends with her. But I can at least turn that experience into the catalyst I need to become that man I feel I always should have been. I call myself "Evolving Phoenix" for a reason: because I want to rise from the ashes of the self I was into the self I want to be. I want to be "reborn" as a transcendent alpha who's attractive to high value women, such as my ex-friend. But I now realize that becoming that transcendent alpha means letting go of my NEED to be attractive to women such as my ex-friend, which, ironically, will make me more attractive to them. I need to let my friend go. I need to let this obsession go. I need to let my need for external validation go. That's how I can die and be reborn from my ashes as the man I want to become. That's how I can live up to my screen name.
