E2 Journal

[Greenduck]

Day 48:

I saw a post today by Shannon where he told Cat Man to stop being the man women run away from because they could smell his dishonesty and intention to manipulate them for sex. This isn't exactly what happened with me and my friend, and I was honest about my feelings for her, but I still feel it applies to my situation.

She has lost all her trust for me, sees only the worst about me and refuses to forgive me or accept my apologies.

I am having faith and hoping the "becoming" method can change the relationship I have with her and how she feels about me. The "becoming" method is my only hope.

But first, I have to change myself. Itll take years of sub usage to change myself enough that I become the guy women stop running from, I feel like.

I decided that I should I should stop ruing to get other people to do things that benefit myself. I should work on myself and heal. That was my, and only my, responsibility. Trying to get other people to do stuff was off the table. That was just being a coward. People will give support by their own free will and if they don’t want to go to bed with me right now, that’s maybe for the better. Things should flow naturally in life and if they don’t you need to stop and heal yourself until they do.