05-08-2019, 03:17 PM
(05-08-2019, 01:40 PM)findingme Wrote: You realizing that you may not love or respect yourself even if you succeed.........I could have written that. That's been an old fear I've hung to for ages, and it's justified me staying in one place. Since I've always had a low self esteem, I thought I'd be dependent on others for validation and acceptance. No joke. That fear of growing has been instrumental in my life a very long time.
What kinds of desires for the future do you have?
Well, I plan to get my BA and teach English abroad, and eventually get an MA in Mental Health Counseling and become certified as a hypnotherapist. I'm also looking for part time work and going on disability. I'm also considering using elance/upwork to do freelance writing on the side, but I'm not sure of that idea. I also intend to get a GF in the future. And I want to learn the "becoming" method to get my friend back. I also want to learn how to play the guitar and learn Japanese (cause I want to teach there) I also wanna get to a point where I'm living independently, have friends I hang out with often, have a better all social life and gain muscle mass.
Man, that's a lot of shit I want to accomplish, and I'm impatient on one hand to get to that point, but I feel paralyzed on the other hand. That stuff sounds like it'll be a long way off, and I guess I think of all the shit I wanna do and see how far off I am and that just makes me feel worse about it. But I just tell myself to make progress, rather than expect perfection. Still, it seems my progress halted lately. I've gotta at least do the meditation walks and healing codes, but I often skip the healing codes and sometimes even the meditation walks.
