05-01-2019, 04:19 PM
Day 32:
Same sh*t as yesterday. Truth be told, despite staying up until 5 AM last night, I didn't do my healing codes. I just d*cked around on the computer. Procrastination is a really big issue for me lately. Still, considering how suicidal I was just 12 days ago, I'm still in a MUCH better place than I was. Although some of the regret from the friendship breakup is coming back. It's hard to be optimistic about the whole "becoming" thing when I suck so bad at it. Memories of how I acted and how I treated my friend come back to me and I don't feel good. I was a lousy friend. And I've got to own up to that while remaining hopeful that in spite of EVERYTHING, I may one day get my friend back and repair the issues between us. I NEED to be able to repair the damage done. I need to be able to rebuild the bridges I've burned. I NEED another chance to set things right. I'm willing to wait (as if I have much choice?) but I can't let go and just move on altogether. I've GOT TO be able to set things right, even if it takes a while.
Same sh*t as yesterday. Truth be told, despite staying up until 5 AM last night, I didn't do my healing codes. I just d*cked around on the computer. Procrastination is a really big issue for me lately. Still, considering how suicidal I was just 12 days ago, I'm still in a MUCH better place than I was. Although some of the regret from the friendship breakup is coming back. It's hard to be optimistic about the whole "becoming" thing when I suck so bad at it. Memories of how I acted and how I treated my friend come back to me and I don't feel good. I was a lousy friend. And I've got to own up to that while remaining hopeful that in spite of EVERYTHING, I may one day get my friend back and repair the issues between us. I NEED to be able to repair the damage done. I need to be able to rebuild the bridges I've burned. I NEED another chance to set things right. I'm willing to wait (as if I have much choice?) but I can't let go and just move on altogether. I've GOT TO be able to set things right, even if it takes a while.
