04-23-2019, 03:32 PM
Day 25:
Been feeling alright today. Had some occasional twinges of regret from the friendship breakup, but I reminded myself that when I'm ready, I'll be able to get my friend back, even if it takes years to get to that point. There's this weird feeling I get thought that keeps me from enjoying myself fully: I'll be playing with my cat and just enjoying myself and enjoying the shared bond between myself and my pet, and in the background I'll be having this feeling like "I should be doing something 'productive' with my time right now" And the truth is, playing with my can might not be "productive" but it makes me feel good, so I shouldn't ruin it with feeling obligated to make "productive" use of my time instead. Besides, what "productive" thing should I be doing right now? I mean, there's a lot of things I could think of, but aside from meditation stuff, I don't typically do that shit anyway. I've kind of just been trying to heal and focus on not being lonely this whole time. I've sent in my application to HCC for summer courses in ASL, I've sent in papers to the social security people, I'm waiting to be connected to Learning Academies at USF to help line me up with work as a TA... Slowly, but surely, I'm making progress in life. Now I guess I just need to focus on my day to day shteez: Meditation, Healing Codes, going to the gym, practicing guitar, keeping my room clean. Should be really simple, but I stay glued to my computer, I guess due to loneliness. If I can get around the loneliness problem, I'll probably have a MUCH easier time getting away from my computer. I'm hoping E2 or maybe LTU5 down the line will help me with that. I DO notice I'm feeling better lately. So maybe E2 is really doing something?
Been feeling alright today. Had some occasional twinges of regret from the friendship breakup, but I reminded myself that when I'm ready, I'll be able to get my friend back, even if it takes years to get to that point. There's this weird feeling I get thought that keeps me from enjoying myself fully: I'll be playing with my cat and just enjoying myself and enjoying the shared bond between myself and my pet, and in the background I'll be having this feeling like "I should be doing something 'productive' with my time right now" And the truth is, playing with my can might not be "productive" but it makes me feel good, so I shouldn't ruin it with feeling obligated to make "productive" use of my time instead. Besides, what "productive" thing should I be doing right now? I mean, there's a lot of things I could think of, but aside from meditation stuff, I don't typically do that shit anyway. I've kind of just been trying to heal and focus on not being lonely this whole time. I've sent in my application to HCC for summer courses in ASL, I've sent in papers to the social security people, I'm waiting to be connected to Learning Academies at USF to help line me up with work as a TA... Slowly, but surely, I'm making progress in life. Now I guess I just need to focus on my day to day shteez: Meditation, Healing Codes, going to the gym, practicing guitar, keeping my room clean. Should be really simple, but I stay glued to my computer, I guess due to loneliness. If I can get around the loneliness problem, I'll probably have a MUCH easier time getting away from my computer. I'm hoping E2 or maybe LTU5 down the line will help me with that. I DO notice I'm feeling better lately. So maybe E2 is really doing something?
