04-23-2019, 02:22 PM
That's good to know Shannon. I had no idea, but it's exciting to hear.
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Today, some fears were trying to come up, and still are. My biggest known fear is rejection and abandonment, and after these last two days of focusing on what was stirring me, I felt this sad, scared part of me rise when (at my job) I had done things which I imagined being ....... well, completely discarded for.
It filled me with fear------and I'm thinking it's a parallel of my own childhood experiences.
My inner kid is wanting to be heard. I've honestly not connected with him in a very long time. I hear or read people sharing how they talk to him/her..........but .................... I'm unsure---nope, not unsure. I feel fear.
I used to converse with him on paper. Simple conversations meant a lot to me, as when I focused on what I (little me) was trying to say, I began to feel more whole. Oftentimes it scared me, especially in the beginning, since little me just needed to know he was heard.
As I wrote, I realized I am emotionally distant with you, you, and you since I have ignored me, the part which seems to always have something to say. I thought growing up meant shutting that part of myself up.
Me ignoring me is not working..............what am I gaining by ignoring me?
Answer: I'm being like Mom. Deviating from her model might make her reject me.
That's not what is best for me though. It hurts the little one in me who's scared of old stuff being repeated.
___________________________________________________
I haven't done this in a while. As I was writing, little me was speaking up VERY clearly, even giving known answers.
___________________________________________________________________
Today, some fears were trying to come up, and still are. My biggest known fear is rejection and abandonment, and after these last two days of focusing on what was stirring me, I felt this sad, scared part of me rise when (at my job) I had done things which I imagined being ....... well, completely discarded for.
It filled me with fear------and I'm thinking it's a parallel of my own childhood experiences.
My inner kid is wanting to be heard. I've honestly not connected with him in a very long time. I hear or read people sharing how they talk to him/her..........but .................... I'm unsure---nope, not unsure. I feel fear.
I used to converse with him on paper. Simple conversations meant a lot to me, as when I focused on what I (little me) was trying to say, I began to feel more whole. Oftentimes it scared me, especially in the beginning, since little me just needed to know he was heard.
As I wrote, I realized I am emotionally distant with you, you, and you since I have ignored me, the part which seems to always have something to say. I thought growing up meant shutting that part of myself up.
Me ignoring me is not working..............what am I gaining by ignoring me?
Answer: I'm being like Mom. Deviating from her model might make her reject me.
That's not what is best for me though. It hurts the little one in me who's scared of old stuff being repeated.
___________________________________________________
I haven't done this in a while. As I was writing, little me was speaking up VERY clearly, even giving known answers.
I want to be FREE!
