04-22-2019, 01:13 PM
Day 24:
Feeling better than usual today. I'm not feeling great, but I'm feeling alright.
I'm having a hard time figuring out just what it is that I want my life to look like to be satisfied.
I know I want to be living on my own, I know I want to travel, I know I want more deeply connected friendships, a more active social life, work I like and a gorgeous GF... But what else?
Something tells me that even if I get all that in my life, I'll still be unsatisfied. Why? What else do I want and how do I get it?
I think there's a lot of deeply rooted issues I have that make even that feel incomplete.
It's like, I've got a plan, you know?
Become a teacher's assistant, go on disability, earn my BA in psychology, teach Ebglish abroad until I get my master's in mental health counseling, become an LMHC, maybe get certified as a hypnotherapist and do that for a living.
I can use USLM in LTU5 to improve my social life amd form deeper friendships, I can use other subs to help me romantically/sexually.
So it seems I have a plan to get all that stuff. Yet I think about all that stuff and picture a life like that in my mind and I STILL feel like something's missing.
I think it's rooted in all the early rejection growing up. I want something that'll give me that full sense of acceptence and respect that I yearned for growing up. Some sort of signifier that I AM worthy, that I am enough. Something that'll make me feel like I wanted to feel growing up. The opposite of rejection by everyone.
NOTE: I just looked at my last post and it already mentions this. Guess it's just the theme I'm working on lately. I wonder if E2 has anything to do with it or if it's just coming up naturally?
Feeling better than usual today. I'm not feeling great, but I'm feeling alright.
I'm having a hard time figuring out just what it is that I want my life to look like to be satisfied.
I know I want to be living on my own, I know I want to travel, I know I want more deeply connected friendships, a more active social life, work I like and a gorgeous GF... But what else?
Something tells me that even if I get all that in my life, I'll still be unsatisfied. Why? What else do I want and how do I get it?
I think there's a lot of deeply rooted issues I have that make even that feel incomplete.
It's like, I've got a plan, you know?
Become a teacher's assistant, go on disability, earn my BA in psychology, teach Ebglish abroad until I get my master's in mental health counseling, become an LMHC, maybe get certified as a hypnotherapist and do that for a living.
I can use USLM in LTU5 to improve my social life amd form deeper friendships, I can use other subs to help me romantically/sexually.
So it seems I have a plan to get all that stuff. Yet I think about all that stuff and picture a life like that in my mind and I STILL feel like something's missing.
I think it's rooted in all the early rejection growing up. I want something that'll give me that full sense of acceptence and respect that I yearned for growing up. Some sort of signifier that I AM worthy, that I am enough. Something that'll make me feel like I wanted to feel growing up. The opposite of rejection by everyone.
NOTE: I just looked at my last post and it already mentions this. Guess it's just the theme I'm working on lately. I wonder if E2 has anything to do with it or if it's just coming up naturally?
