04-21-2019, 05:26 PM
Saw my friends today, and we talked a lot about subliminal usage, as I learned they're seeing me growing quicker and easier than they've ever seen. My old sponsor even admitted he's even comparing me and the other guy's tools for success. I use subs to change my thinking, and thus, my life. The other guy still does a lot of affirmations and constant reading and reminding himself of his goals. We agreed on one thing, which was we can be our biggest critics, which again, is all in our thinking. This second guy's asked about subs, I've given him a copy of one free one (a competitor's), but he's never used it. I don't fault him. He learns more from actual results, and he's got some old denial patterns which I relate to. Plus, he's stubborn 
We'll see.
But the big thing that popped up today is a growing discomfort with my using people while I intentionally give nothing back. I had a good hour after the game to talk with my old sponsor alone, and I admitted I'm becoming more uncomfortable with this in my life. I don't feel good about having relationships with people when my main reason is to get something: attention, money, anything really.
Then I was riding home on my scooter, took a corner, and my automatic transmission disengaged. My motor ran, but no drive. I drifted into a business's parking lot, and called my old sponsor. 2 calls, no answer, so I waited. 10 minutes later, I realized my sister lived closer, so I texted her. She replied immediately. She and her boyfriend came with a trailer, saving me a lot of stress.
But while waiting on her, I realized she's one I use. I don't get near her emotionally at all (I put on a face a lot when with her), so that's what I'm referring to when I mention using people. This is from UD. It clears up my relational lies and bulls***.
While waiting on her, I called my old sponsor, and he picked up. I shared I'd gotten help, and we talked until they came. During this talk, I uncomfortably admitted the using mentality and behavior with my sister, and that it points out my immature mindset; it makes me realize I've hung onto it since without it.........I'd actually have to grow up. He threw out his standard dry humor: "oh no, you don't want to do that. No way. Don't ever do that." We'd had some laughs even on this talk, but this truth is slowly cooking in me and heating up gradually. This is my biggest change in me today. It's only uncomfortable........ since I do this in MANY relationships. Dang, nearly all of them.
UD is cleaning house in me again. But I'm not overwhelmed, and I'm not a crying mess. I'm saddened and a bit tired, but not wiped out. LTU is a very doable and relevant subliminal for me.
We'll see.But the big thing that popped up today is a growing discomfort with my using people while I intentionally give nothing back. I had a good hour after the game to talk with my old sponsor alone, and I admitted I'm becoming more uncomfortable with this in my life. I don't feel good about having relationships with people when my main reason is to get something: attention, money, anything really.
Then I was riding home on my scooter, took a corner, and my automatic transmission disengaged. My motor ran, but no drive. I drifted into a business's parking lot, and called my old sponsor. 2 calls, no answer, so I waited. 10 minutes later, I realized my sister lived closer, so I texted her. She replied immediately. She and her boyfriend came with a trailer, saving me a lot of stress.
But while waiting on her, I realized she's one I use. I don't get near her emotionally at all (I put on a face a lot when with her), so that's what I'm referring to when I mention using people. This is from UD. It clears up my relational lies and bulls***.
While waiting on her, I called my old sponsor, and he picked up. I shared I'd gotten help, and we talked until they came. During this talk, I uncomfortably admitted the using mentality and behavior with my sister, and that it points out my immature mindset; it makes me realize I've hung onto it since without it.........I'd actually have to grow up. He threw out his standard dry humor: "oh no, you don't want to do that. No way. Don't ever do that." We'd had some laughs even on this talk, but this truth is slowly cooking in me and heating up gradually. This is my biggest change in me today. It's only uncomfortable........ since I do this in MANY relationships. Dang, nearly all of them.
UD is cleaning house in me again. But I'm not overwhelmed, and I'm not a crying mess. I'm saddened and a bit tired, but not wiped out. LTU is a very doable and relevant subliminal for me.
I want to be FREE!
