I was reading Paul's LTU journal, and he began laughing in the midst of a stressful exchange with his wife. I shared a short rendition of the story below, but the auric shield worked great for me 2 weeks back. This happened, and I didn't share it. Catch-up time.
Two weeks back, I was doing laundry at a laundromat , and I looked next to my washer–and my brother was putting his laundry in a machine. I associate my brother with anger, because ANY conversation begun with him ultimately leads to something/someone/anyone who’s hurt or betrayed him. This day was no different. However, this day I was different.
I made my presence known, and he immediately began his monologue. Sadly, this is his norm, no kidding. He’d ask how I was occasionally, but he’d ignore me and continue his monologue. I shared about my ex and daughter (good things), and he began spitting out resentments about his ex-wife. He brought my ex into his bitching, and 2 minutes later I stopped him. He obviously wanted a bitching buddy, but I shared I’d rather not talk about everyone else. He continued for a minute, then asked me why I didn’t want to hear him talk about them.
I told him I thought it was repulsive (I said exactly that). Nothing ever changes, it spirals out of control, and nothing good comes out of it. I said something like that too. Like a small boy, he left. His feelings were hurt. I thought he’d distance himself, and I didn’t mind. I decided to distance myself and relieve some tension, so I began taking a walk. He called out for me 10 seconds later. He approached me, almost dangerously, but I didn’t change my posture. He vented again, spewing out times he felt I'd hurt him (from even 10 years back), and I kept looking at him, not reacting. I felt a smile growing on my face since his anger and fear were not owning me nor even affecting me much. This was his s***, not mine. And this was very new for me.
He did change directions once, asking if I was still doing counseling. He wondered if I were talking to people all the time. I said no, and I continued by saying I’d done that, but nothing had changed much for me. I said I was doing something different now, and it was really helping me. He wondered what it was, and I told him I was listening to silent healing subliminals. He was wary immediately, but I clearly told him subliminals were just instructions to follow, and I felt good. He did not pursue it, and I’ve not shared anything more with him.
We walked back to the laundromat, and he stopped me, insisting on one last angry victim stance (for he "knows" what I should be doing. Whatever). He complained of his life’s results, sharing how bad he had it, and gave me his last stand. He said I just needed to “fucking grow up”. My smile wasn’t hidden well, as I just looked at him. This miserable man was telling me how to live life??? He had nothing I wanted, nothing at all, so his words just bounced off me. I stood there, unintimidated and un-needy, saying nothing, and he walked away. I owed him nothing.
While leaving myself, I considered sending him a text asking him if he would like to try out subs, but even now, that mentality angers me. If he wants to burn bridges, let 'em burn.
What really stuck out to me is this: I don’t want or like the victim mentality anymore. I recognized it immediately, I’d been noticing it all of that week, I’d been looking for it in my life, and I was seeing it and making new choices for myself. I shared this incident with my 2 friends who I played Cashflow with an hour later, and one (my old sponsor), said I’ve really grown. He said nothing like that would have been possible 10 years back when he was sponsoring me. And it’s true.
LTU has had major positive repercussions in my life. And it's been incredibly easy to allow such changes the longer I use it. I can do this
Two weeks back, I was doing laundry at a laundromat , and I looked next to my washer–and my brother was putting his laundry in a machine. I associate my brother with anger, because ANY conversation begun with him ultimately leads to something/someone/anyone who’s hurt or betrayed him. This day was no different. However, this day I was different.
I made my presence known, and he immediately began his monologue. Sadly, this is his norm, no kidding. He’d ask how I was occasionally, but he’d ignore me and continue his monologue. I shared about my ex and daughter (good things), and he began spitting out resentments about his ex-wife. He brought my ex into his bitching, and 2 minutes later I stopped him. He obviously wanted a bitching buddy, but I shared I’d rather not talk about everyone else. He continued for a minute, then asked me why I didn’t want to hear him talk about them.
I told him I thought it was repulsive (I said exactly that). Nothing ever changes, it spirals out of control, and nothing good comes out of it. I said something like that too. Like a small boy, he left. His feelings were hurt. I thought he’d distance himself, and I didn’t mind. I decided to distance myself and relieve some tension, so I began taking a walk. He called out for me 10 seconds later. He approached me, almost dangerously, but I didn’t change my posture. He vented again, spewing out times he felt I'd hurt him (from even 10 years back), and I kept looking at him, not reacting. I felt a smile growing on my face since his anger and fear were not owning me nor even affecting me much. This was his s***, not mine. And this was very new for me.
He did change directions once, asking if I was still doing counseling. He wondered if I were talking to people all the time. I said no, and I continued by saying I’d done that, but nothing had changed much for me. I said I was doing something different now, and it was really helping me. He wondered what it was, and I told him I was listening to silent healing subliminals. He was wary immediately, but I clearly told him subliminals were just instructions to follow, and I felt good. He did not pursue it, and I’ve not shared anything more with him.
We walked back to the laundromat, and he stopped me, insisting on one last angry victim stance (for he "knows" what I should be doing. Whatever). He complained of his life’s results, sharing how bad he had it, and gave me his last stand. He said I just needed to “fucking grow up”. My smile wasn’t hidden well, as I just looked at him. This miserable man was telling me how to live life??? He had nothing I wanted, nothing at all, so his words just bounced off me. I stood there, unintimidated and un-needy, saying nothing, and he walked away. I owed him nothing.
While leaving myself, I considered sending him a text asking him if he would like to try out subs, but even now, that mentality angers me. If he wants to burn bridges, let 'em burn.
What really stuck out to me is this: I don’t want or like the victim mentality anymore. I recognized it immediately, I’d been noticing it all of that week, I’d been looking for it in my life, and I was seeing it and making new choices for myself. I shared this incident with my 2 friends who I played Cashflow with an hour later, and one (my old sponsor), said I’ve really grown. He said nothing like that would have been possible 10 years back when he was sponsoring me. And it’s true.
LTU has had major positive repercussions in my life. And it's been incredibly easy to allow such changes the longer I use it. I can do this
I want to be FREE!
