04-14-2019, 12:58 PM
Day 17. I don't feel terrible today, but I do feel like my life is both internally and externally a mess. I've got a lot of issues, but the one I've been focused on for the past few days is loneliness.
I figure that maybe when I get a job, I'll start forming connections at work, but I worry that since I'll be a TA, I won't be making a whole lot of connections. Like the only adult I'll be able to form any connections with will be the teacher I'm assisting. I really need to improve my social life.
Hopefully once I get LTU5, the USLM part of it will help me form more deep connections and make more friends and have more of a social life. I'm sure the E3 part will help me with a lot of internal issues I have. I really do need to do something about this loneliness though. Hopefully, getting a job, the USLM part of LTU5, and maybe going to USF in the fall (thus enabling me to join some sort of social club) will all help me with that problem.
It feels like I've got so much to fix though about myself and my life. And I'm just waiting for certain things to happen like: waiting to go on social security so I can use the back pay to buy LTU5, waiting to get a job, waiting to take summer classes at my community college, waiting even longer to transfer over to USF and join a social club. Just... Waiting with my thumb up my ass.
And I still don't know if E2 is doing anything or not. I'm feeling better lately, but that just might be my issues hitting in waves.
I really hope I'll be able to fix all these issues. I really do. I've been struggling with various addictions over the past couple of years. Lately, I have an internet addiction. Somebody posted a video on another forum talking about addiction, saying the opposite isnt sobriety but connection. They cited an experiment called "Rat Park" where the rats had all kinds of friends, mating partners, activities, food, etc. And when given the option for water laced with drugs or just regulsr water, they rarely touched to drugged water at all. That's what I want in my life: that kind of connection. My own "Rat Park" so to speak. But all I've got lately is this dungeon of a room I lock myself in... At least I have my pets.
Still dunno if E2 is doing anything, or how much its doing if it's doing anything at all.
I figure that maybe when I get a job, I'll start forming connections at work, but I worry that since I'll be a TA, I won't be making a whole lot of connections. Like the only adult I'll be able to form any connections with will be the teacher I'm assisting. I really need to improve my social life.
Hopefully once I get LTU5, the USLM part of it will help me form more deep connections and make more friends and have more of a social life. I'm sure the E3 part will help me with a lot of internal issues I have. I really do need to do something about this loneliness though. Hopefully, getting a job, the USLM part of LTU5, and maybe going to USF in the fall (thus enabling me to join some sort of social club) will all help me with that problem.
It feels like I've got so much to fix though about myself and my life. And I'm just waiting for certain things to happen like: waiting to go on social security so I can use the back pay to buy LTU5, waiting to get a job, waiting to take summer classes at my community college, waiting even longer to transfer over to USF and join a social club. Just... Waiting with my thumb up my ass.
And I still don't know if E2 is doing anything or not. I'm feeling better lately, but that just might be my issues hitting in waves.
I really hope I'll be able to fix all these issues. I really do. I've been struggling with various addictions over the past couple of years. Lately, I have an internet addiction. Somebody posted a video on another forum talking about addiction, saying the opposite isnt sobriety but connection. They cited an experiment called "Rat Park" where the rats had all kinds of friends, mating partners, activities, food, etc. And when given the option for water laced with drugs or just regulsr water, they rarely touched to drugged water at all. That's what I want in my life: that kind of connection. My own "Rat Park" so to speak. But all I've got lately is this dungeon of a room I lock myself in... At least I have my pets.
Still dunno if E2 is doing anything, or how much its doing if it's doing anything at all.
