04-13-2019, 01:24 AM
Yesterday I realized something else is happening with LTU. My "common sense" is returning.
Living in fear shut down or greatly dulled common awareness and problem solving skills. My focus was more on surviving daily interactions, or squelching memories and feelings from the past. I find awareness to be simply "on" or "off", and mine's been "off". I have not been sought out for problem solving mostly since my head has been in the clouds. I'm that guy who would love chasing unrelated and irrelevant rabbit trails--but solving the problem on the table? Nah. Talk to him, him over there, even her. I enjoyed this initially, for it kept responsibility away. I hid behind this "spacy-ness".
I've been afraid so long, and life got smaller.
Yesterday, I got to see beyond the veil which I've hid behind, and I wasn't afraid. Nice.
Living in fear shut down or greatly dulled common awareness and problem solving skills. My focus was more on surviving daily interactions, or squelching memories and feelings from the past. I find awareness to be simply "on" or "off", and mine's been "off". I have not been sought out for problem solving mostly since my head has been in the clouds. I'm that guy who would love chasing unrelated and irrelevant rabbit trails--but solving the problem on the table? Nah. Talk to him, him over there, even her. I enjoyed this initially, for it kept responsibility away. I hid behind this "spacy-ness".
I've been afraid so long, and life got smaller.
Yesterday, I got to see beyond the veil which I've hid behind, and I wasn't afraid. Nice.
I want to be FREE!
