04-12-2019, 03:15 PM
Day 15. So on day 13, I was feeling absolutely terrible. Worthless. Hopeless. Anguished even. I was suffering from bad memories of things my exfriend said to me in the past. Then I got stoned and realized how much self pity I was indulging in. Spent the next day (day 14) mostly keeping myself distracted on the computer all day. I'm spending today trying to meditate heavily. I'm not feeling so anguished today. Hopefully more meditation will help me. I still feel stuck. It is a sincere hope that I will one day be able to repair the relationship with my exfriend. And when I'm not meditating, sleeping or mindlessly distracring myself on the computer, I often find myself obsessing over ways I could increase my chances at repairing the bridges I have burned. I realize this is unhealthy, but I can't let go and desperately want to repair the relationship within this lifetime. I need to stop obssessing and take time to actually LIVE my life. To do that, I would need to change my frame of mind. Hence all the meditating.
