I haven't been keeping up with my journal here, but things have been happening. I have been super pleased with LTU5 and how it works for me and GF.
The other night, I guess it was either night before last or night before that, I accidentally (?) played it on loop one and it played all night on my phone. Yesterday after half a day I started feeling down and emotionally distressed, like I might be depressed subconsciously. I'm not sure if the two correlate, but it seems plausible. I am also not sure what caused and is causing it, but last night I decided to try again running it all night, and this morning I woke from a dream in which I was planning for an attack on my group (me, GF and a few others) in an otherwise abandoned city that looked like it had been ravaged by war, by two demon lords.
These are symbolic fantasy from role playing games, of course, but in the dream, they arrived before I was finished planning the defense and strategy against them, and we were forced to deal with them before being fully ready.
I remember thinking these two were each almost impossible to defeat with a large army, how were we going to defeat them, when there are two of them? But I was the leader, and I could show no fear. I really didn't feel fear, I felt worried that I wouldn't be able to get my reactions and my group's reactions fast enough to enact the plan.
First they attacked side by side, and I had the group scatter in a shotgun pattern, forcing the demons to choose a specific target each. This caused them to separate, which is what I wanted; easier to deal with individually. There were three of us baiting each one, and staying far enough apart from each other and moving such that it couldn't decide which to attack specifically, which minimized the attacks made by them, and delayed and confused them.
Then we had each group enrage the demon lord at one specific person which it them focused on completely, feeling relief at finally having a specific target which it could focus on to take out it's frustrations. While we did this, we brought them back together facing each other, and each target ran under the other demon lord between its legs and used it as a shield for the one attacking it.
This put the demons in direct conflict with each other, as they were in each other's way and preventing the goal from being reached, which predictably enraged them instantly and they began attacking one another, venting their hatred and rage for one another that previously existed, plus their frustration and anger at being denied the achievement of their goal.
Being relatively evenly matched, and being demon lords, they were only tenuously allied and completely forgot about us as their challenge was raised to equal by fighting one another instead. They grew to gargantuan size and began destroying the buildings with their arms and tentacles, as they hammered on each other, causing massive woulds sometimes, and doing no damage at all others, regardless of whether or not they landed a hit.
At this point, we fled as a group and escaped, and then my cat woke me up by laying on my chest and purring loudly asking for attention.
I wonder if this doesn't have the demon lords representing my deep major fears and how I am dealing with them at the moment? It's interesting, because the demons were truly a threat, but in the dream, I was no more frightened than I would be playing tag. I was all strategy and purely focused on doing what was necessary to keep myself and the group safe. No fear of the demons, but some concern for whether or not all the members of my group understood the plan and could remain focused enough to execute it properly.
I feel like there is still some sadness or maybe sublimated depression, but it's much less obvious than yesterday, and I suspect that is as a result of the part of LTU5 designed to make the process of executing E3 easier. That was the reason I played it on loop last night instead of 5 loops.
As it stands, I can say that my emotional state will disrupt my ability to work today. So my top priority is getting back to a state where I will be able to work. For that I need to go meditate a while. With luck, I'll be able to finish what I was working on. Tired of the delays.
The other night, I guess it was either night before last or night before that, I accidentally (?) played it on loop one and it played all night on my phone. Yesterday after half a day I started feeling down and emotionally distressed, like I might be depressed subconsciously. I'm not sure if the two correlate, but it seems plausible. I am also not sure what caused and is causing it, but last night I decided to try again running it all night, and this morning I woke from a dream in which I was planning for an attack on my group (me, GF and a few others) in an otherwise abandoned city that looked like it had been ravaged by war, by two demon lords.
These are symbolic fantasy from role playing games, of course, but in the dream, they arrived before I was finished planning the defense and strategy against them, and we were forced to deal with them before being fully ready.
I remember thinking these two were each almost impossible to defeat with a large army, how were we going to defeat them, when there are two of them? But I was the leader, and I could show no fear. I really didn't feel fear, I felt worried that I wouldn't be able to get my reactions and my group's reactions fast enough to enact the plan.
First they attacked side by side, and I had the group scatter in a shotgun pattern, forcing the demons to choose a specific target each. This caused them to separate, which is what I wanted; easier to deal with individually. There were three of us baiting each one, and staying far enough apart from each other and moving such that it couldn't decide which to attack specifically, which minimized the attacks made by them, and delayed and confused them.
Then we had each group enrage the demon lord at one specific person which it them focused on completely, feeling relief at finally having a specific target which it could focus on to take out it's frustrations. While we did this, we brought them back together facing each other, and each target ran under the other demon lord between its legs and used it as a shield for the one attacking it.
This put the demons in direct conflict with each other, as they were in each other's way and preventing the goal from being reached, which predictably enraged them instantly and they began attacking one another, venting their hatred and rage for one another that previously existed, plus their frustration and anger at being denied the achievement of their goal.
Being relatively evenly matched, and being demon lords, they were only tenuously allied and completely forgot about us as their challenge was raised to equal by fighting one another instead. They grew to gargantuan size and began destroying the buildings with their arms and tentacles, as they hammered on each other, causing massive woulds sometimes, and doing no damage at all others, regardless of whether or not they landed a hit.
At this point, we fled as a group and escaped, and then my cat woke me up by laying on my chest and purring loudly asking for attention.
I wonder if this doesn't have the demon lords representing my deep major fears and how I am dealing with them at the moment? It's interesting, because the demons were truly a threat, but in the dream, I was no more frightened than I would be playing tag. I was all strategy and purely focused on doing what was necessary to keep myself and the group safe. No fear of the demons, but some concern for whether or not all the members of my group understood the plan and could remain focused enough to execute it properly.
I feel like there is still some sadness or maybe sublimated depression, but it's much less obvious than yesterday, and I suspect that is as a result of the part of LTU5 designed to make the process of executing E3 easier. That was the reason I played it on loop last night instead of 5 loops.
As it stands, I can say that my emotional state will disrupt my ability to work today. So my top priority is getting back to a state where I will be able to work. For that I need to go meditate a while. With luck, I'll be able to finish what I was working on. Tired of the delays.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
