03-13-2019, 12:41 PM
Running my loops now. My days off were not majorly different, but I did see myself leaning toward a bad mood today. I didn't set my alarm last night, woke up late, and walking into work, I imagined my boss thinking less of me. I've had that thought most of the day.
I'm stuck on some thought in that. Oh yeah. It clicked as I was writing that I view my boss exactly like I view my mom. That message is "I failed. I will fail". I grew up thinking I was responsible for my mom's happiness, and as a lone alcoholic, she was rarely happy. Mostly scared (of finances), unable to care for us emotionally as children, and modeling self hate every day. It was never talked about, and I blamed myself for it. I didn't understand that when younger, I just fought and strived to "make her love me". I think of my boss in that very same light. Maybe E3 is bringing this up (?).
I'll stop with that. That was my day today. Running loops now.
I'm stuck on some thought in that. Oh yeah. It clicked as I was writing that I view my boss exactly like I view my mom. That message is "I failed. I will fail". I grew up thinking I was responsible for my mom's happiness, and as a lone alcoholic, she was rarely happy. Mostly scared (of finances), unable to care for us emotionally as children, and modeling self hate every day. It was never talked about, and I blamed myself for it. I didn't understand that when younger, I just fought and strived to "make her love me". I think of my boss in that very same light. Maybe E3 is bringing this up (?).
I'll stop with that. That was my day today. Running loops now.
I want to be FREE!
