01-07-2019, 09:39 AM
Although having a daily look here it turned out somehow that i take a lot of time and energy for just myself.
So journaling felt down a lot in the sense of a priority list. Also my forum focus goes actual more for the version and tech development, instead of reading all the journaled stuff.
Meanwhile i am at the end of stage 5 and moving forward according to the instructions. For me the first run seems to be more an internal matter then an outside one. Although i was able to identify some resistances in between according to the FAQ stuff seems to go on.
Covering some externals first as far as i recognized...
I became calmer in crowdy places, a thing which was often an uncomfortable situation, also eye contacting made a good improvement that far. In general some people showed a more respectful attitude and also receiving female smiles increased.
But the biggest external point that far is a huge leap in my perception of others and situations. It´s sounds strange in some way, but it takes a tiny amount of time to pin down if somebody is behaving "beta", or playing a confident role.
Also the way situations are sensed (actual at my current job). It´s like watching what is going on, but with a look through that somehow reveals a lot of the intensions behind and the true aim and effort of the people.
On the other hand some body reactions came up. Blood pressure went up (no huge increase), a matter i never faced until now and sweating did increase. To make things sure i am through with all medical science fields, just to have every doc telling me everything is fine and no prominences at all.
I suppose a lot of this is due to my inner world stirred totally up, giving an overview right now.
That far the insights and clarity i gained for myself is just overwhelming. Not easy at all, as a lot of self-pitty, aggression and hate came up again and again forcing me to dig deeper and deeper to the core. But only identifying the source and realizing what has been triggered through it was a helping key to start leaving that behind.
Its like breaking up massive concrete, that was carefully build over decades. But its getting cracks day by day which brought me by now to a state of some sort of motivation to kick my ass wherever it is necessary to leave that behind.
Before the next runs (i plan at least two more by now) i probably kick in some months of USLM4 which hopefully will be out there by time. But as fear is hiding behind a lot of corners as well that sounds just so suitable to engage before returning to AM again.
So happy new year and take care!
So journaling felt down a lot in the sense of a priority list. Also my forum focus goes actual more for the version and tech development, instead of reading all the journaled stuff.
Meanwhile i am at the end of stage 5 and moving forward according to the instructions. For me the first run seems to be more an internal matter then an outside one. Although i was able to identify some resistances in between according to the FAQ stuff seems to go on.
Covering some externals first as far as i recognized...
I became calmer in crowdy places, a thing which was often an uncomfortable situation, also eye contacting made a good improvement that far. In general some people showed a more respectful attitude and also receiving female smiles increased.
But the biggest external point that far is a huge leap in my perception of others and situations. It´s sounds strange in some way, but it takes a tiny amount of time to pin down if somebody is behaving "beta", or playing a confident role.
Also the way situations are sensed (actual at my current job). It´s like watching what is going on, but with a look through that somehow reveals a lot of the intensions behind and the true aim and effort of the people.
On the other hand some body reactions came up. Blood pressure went up (no huge increase), a matter i never faced until now and sweating did increase. To make things sure i am through with all medical science fields, just to have every doc telling me everything is fine and no prominences at all.
I suppose a lot of this is due to my inner world stirred totally up, giving an overview right now.
That far the insights and clarity i gained for myself is just overwhelming. Not easy at all, as a lot of self-pitty, aggression and hate came up again and again forcing me to dig deeper and deeper to the core. But only identifying the source and realizing what has been triggered through it was a helping key to start leaving that behind.
Its like breaking up massive concrete, that was carefully build over decades. But its getting cracks day by day which brought me by now to a state of some sort of motivation to kick my ass wherever it is necessary to leave that behind.
Before the next runs (i plan at least two more by now) i probably kick in some months of USLM4 which hopefully will be out there by time. But as fear is hiding behind a lot of corners as well that sounds just so suitable to engage before returning to AM again.
So happy new year and take care!
