01-06-2019, 02:48 PM
There's definitely a solution to all this. There's a solution to any problem. But I feel stuck. I feel like I keep banging my head against the same old problems coming up in different ways. And it's not just a "grrr let's grit our teeth and push through this" type of thing. A lot of it is defeating behavior. Small little actions and decisions that add up vs one big noticeable reaction. Being mindful of when I slip into these behaviors is the most important part because then I can change how I react.
But it's a process and that's the hardest part. There's such a strong desire to not deal with this anymore. I feel like I've gone through most of my life already struggling and I don't want to struggle anymore. A lot of my fear based avoidant behavior is becoming more apparent to me. I'm seeing what I'm doing wrong, which is a step in the right direction because prior to that it was pretty much hidden. But man what a mess. It's like walking into a messy apartment, needing to clean, but having no idea where to start so you're paralyzed with making any kind of decision.
My biggest mistake is looking for the one thing that will fix everything or thinking I've found it. This assumption that the solution is dead simple vs ridiculously complex. Really I just get a glimpse into what's going on, I cant really know for certain what's going on in my mind behind the scenes. So maybe I shouldn't put so much weight in trying to figure out what's wrong. It's probably just fear causing me to cling onto something in the hopes it fixes everything vs addressing the real problems that might be hidden. I feel like this is a stupid game with my subconscious sending me on wild goose chases and inevitable dead ends. All the while making me think I'm closer to solving everything so I let off actually getting to the core issues.
But it's a process and that's the hardest part. There's such a strong desire to not deal with this anymore. I feel like I've gone through most of my life already struggling and I don't want to struggle anymore. A lot of my fear based avoidant behavior is becoming more apparent to me. I'm seeing what I'm doing wrong, which is a step in the right direction because prior to that it was pretty much hidden. But man what a mess. It's like walking into a messy apartment, needing to clean, but having no idea where to start so you're paralyzed with making any kind of decision.
My biggest mistake is looking for the one thing that will fix everything or thinking I've found it. This assumption that the solution is dead simple vs ridiculously complex. Really I just get a glimpse into what's going on, I cant really know for certain what's going on in my mind behind the scenes. So maybe I shouldn't put so much weight in trying to figure out what's wrong. It's probably just fear causing me to cling onto something in the hopes it fixes everything vs addressing the real problems that might be hidden. I feel like this is a stupid game with my subconscious sending me on wild goose chases and inevitable dead ends. All the while making me think I'm closer to solving everything so I let off actually getting to the core issues.
INFP
