I realized this morning that I am hanging on to my past. I'm starting to see it, and feel it, very clearly.
I was in the women's threads, and I got on Quote's USLM thread. Her husband is becoming irritable after sex, she asked for help to figure out why, and a few guys gave comments and suggestions.
Well, I almost replied. Twice. The more I thought of my own history with my wife with bad sex, the more I realized.......I've not wanted to disrupt my own normal thinking on it. Or her, my now ex-wife. Like I'm living in some uncomfortable fantasy, but stirring it--or myself--is what I'm afraid of. For myself, I was emotionally tied to my mom, it'd hit me during sex with my wife, and it'd kill passion. Fear of unearthing that to my wife--or to myself--kept me silent and distant. Sex became nothing more than.....quick and distant.
I felt shame regarding hanging on to my past since.........I am ashamed. Well ......, I'm "shoulding" on myself. To go on in life, one "should" let go of their past. I have been following Jake2015's progress......and I sensed some similarities. ****. To go on, I must let go. I'm here for those powerful tools to do that, these subliminals.
My actions....... I've realized I've not done any 12 step meetings on USLM or much healing actions outside of subliminals. I own some EMDR software, which often quickly focuses my thinking and mind, shockingly so. I'll pull it up today, for even 10 minutes running it will keep me aware of some of my internal truths.
The people factor is something I could ask for help with. The old self-protective "I don't want anybody to really know me" stance has been active lately, and being around people (in meetings) often compliments other healing activities.
My goal is emotional healing. I'm looking forward to LTU, I have funds for it, so that's why I'm sharing this. Without my history being just history, I'm constantly looking back. I'm getting some of USLM's affects, but my ultimate goal is emotional healing--to not be handcuffed to my past. In time I may see how to keep such a goal with USLM; fear presently blocks me looking too much at my current mindset. In fact, a PTPA may help me see that clearer, especially when I don't think I've changed much so far.
But that's what came up this morning. Maybe USLM is working on this (?). Hmmm...
This is my 2nd day of the sub break. I'm stirred up.
I was in the women's threads, and I got on Quote's USLM thread. Her husband is becoming irritable after sex, she asked for help to figure out why, and a few guys gave comments and suggestions.
Well, I almost replied. Twice. The more I thought of my own history with my wife with bad sex, the more I realized.......I've not wanted to disrupt my own normal thinking on it. Or her, my now ex-wife. Like I'm living in some uncomfortable fantasy, but stirring it--or myself--is what I'm afraid of. For myself, I was emotionally tied to my mom, it'd hit me during sex with my wife, and it'd kill passion. Fear of unearthing that to my wife--or to myself--kept me silent and distant. Sex became nothing more than.....quick and distant.
I felt shame regarding hanging on to my past since.........I am ashamed. Well ......, I'm "shoulding" on myself. To go on in life, one "should" let go of their past. I have been following Jake2015's progress......and I sensed some similarities. ****. To go on, I must let go. I'm here for those powerful tools to do that, these subliminals.
My actions....... I've realized I've not done any 12 step meetings on USLM or much healing actions outside of subliminals. I own some EMDR software, which often quickly focuses my thinking and mind, shockingly so. I'll pull it up today, for even 10 minutes running it will keep me aware of some of my internal truths.
The people factor is something I could ask for help with. The old self-protective "I don't want anybody to really know me" stance has been active lately, and being around people (in meetings) often compliments other healing activities.
My goal is emotional healing. I'm looking forward to LTU, I have funds for it, so that's why I'm sharing this. Without my history being just history, I'm constantly looking back. I'm getting some of USLM's affects, but my ultimate goal is emotional healing--to not be handcuffed to my past. In time I may see how to keep such a goal with USLM; fear presently blocks me looking too much at my current mindset. In fact, a PTPA may help me see that clearer, especially when I don't think I've changed much so far.
But that's what came up this morning. Maybe USLM is working on this (?). Hmmm...
This is my 2nd day of the sub break. I'm stirred up.
I want to be FREE!
