12-05-2018, 06:09 PM
I'm going to write. I dozed, re-awakened, and am needing to identify what's going on in me.
I'm feeling an intense resistance by a small part of me, a young part of me. I got an offer online days ago with "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", I've left the sales page tab open on my laptop, and I've avoided it. I opened it twice tonight, even just now. I'm afraid. He has such good ideas, this offer is only $20, and .... I resist--am skeptical......of moving into it. I'd be buying some ideas. But I keep turning back to an old feeling. An old feeling of being .......sure about some things. I remember being young, knowing someone would be there for me. That was security to me.
I'm writing now, finding my ideas. That same young part of me is desperate for me to listen. I've seen myself working a home business alone. Without anyone. Alone. Well, apart from my opportunistic moves dealing with people, I'd be alone.
That is a major reason I'm feeling fear. It's separation from people. From support. I've seen doors opening up for longer term home businesses, but mostly ones I'd kept eyes on. I even opened up some loan offers tonight that have been available to me.
Why am I afraid?
Well, I've always enjoyed serving others. All my best jobs I've had I gave in some way to people. I give because I receive immediately when I give, inside. Be it restaurants, teaching, customer service, anything.....I did it and succeeded since I was giving of myself. I was being me. And people not giving back was not an issue when I gave, for something always comes back. Much of it was internal--Simon Sinek spoke of this. I felt good.
And I've been in this spot many times in my life where I've had desire and fear right before me. I just recalled memories of a friend or my brother who, like a leader, would come alongside and walk into it with me. Knowing I was not alone was all I needed. Having someone have my back is a gift.
I'm seeking this.........but I think......this is all internal. I've had USLM running for hours, and maybe....maybe some old piece is blocking me. Some fear. Some memory. I don't know.
I fear abandoning people in order to be successful. I need people to succeed.
I'm feeling an intense resistance by a small part of me, a young part of me. I got an offer online days ago with "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", I've left the sales page tab open on my laptop, and I've avoided it. I opened it twice tonight, even just now. I'm afraid. He has such good ideas, this offer is only $20, and .... I resist--am skeptical......of moving into it. I'd be buying some ideas. But I keep turning back to an old feeling. An old feeling of being .......sure about some things. I remember being young, knowing someone would be there for me. That was security to me.
I'm writing now, finding my ideas. That same young part of me is desperate for me to listen. I've seen myself working a home business alone. Without anyone. Alone. Well, apart from my opportunistic moves dealing with people, I'd be alone.
That is a major reason I'm feeling fear. It's separation from people. From support. I've seen doors opening up for longer term home businesses, but mostly ones I'd kept eyes on. I even opened up some loan offers tonight that have been available to me.
Why am I afraid?
Well, I've always enjoyed serving others. All my best jobs I've had I gave in some way to people. I give because I receive immediately when I give, inside. Be it restaurants, teaching, customer service, anything.....I did it and succeeded since I was giving of myself. I was being me. And people not giving back was not an issue when I gave, for something always comes back. Much of it was internal--Simon Sinek spoke of this. I felt good.
And I've been in this spot many times in my life where I've had desire and fear right before me. I just recalled memories of a friend or my brother who, like a leader, would come alongside and walk into it with me. Knowing I was not alone was all I needed. Having someone have my back is a gift.
I'm seeking this.........but I think......this is all internal. I've had USLM running for hours, and maybe....maybe some old piece is blocking me. Some fear. Some memory. I don't know.
I fear abandoning people in order to be successful. I need people to succeed.
I want to be FREE!
