09-05-2018, 12:51 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-05-2018, 12:52 PM by Have at ye.)
Continuing with ver. A, 9 loops, from Tuesday to Tuesday. During the ASRB break I was feeling kinda shitty most of the time, then it passed. I've been noticing I'm feeling shittier whenever I neglect my shielding regimen, because I get pestering, annoying thoughts regarding various people whenever I don't do it for 3-4 days (and they're, like, really annoying, and fighting them takes up *a lot* of my attention), and when I let them pile up, I start feeling bad about myself. So I'm gonna keep with the shielding regimen until ver. 3.3.
The dumbest thing about the whole deal is that they're usually aimed at me by people I work with or used to hang out with, and I was actually *afraid* and *expecting* that this would happen - people would start making problems for me *because they're envious*. Heh, showbiz. Like, f. in., it turns out that this fairly young conductor with whom I worked on a project recently (and with whom I've worked previously... and who has *never* been such an asshat prick towards me like he's become this time around - we've had a pretty decent working relationship) is married to, like, designee's "sweet little aristocrat" BFF, and according to what I've learned, tried to bone said designee before getting married and got rebuked hard. And here I was wondering why is he making veiled comments regarding my dealings with said designee, lol, and acting all asshatty and AMOGy alluva sudden.
See, that's the kind of people I have to work with, lol. And they're sending bad mojo my way.
BTW., one more thing I noticed, and a possible reason for why many of my responders go with gaming/playing attempts: they're frickin' jealous. Very, very jealous. This may be a side effect of the "competing for sex" dealio I remember Shannon writing something about in his journal way back, or perhaps it's just how they are. But when I see a married woman, walking with her husband (we've always liked each other with the woman
), give me a panicked/nervous/jealous look - in such a blatant way that her husband *noticed it*, and this woman's got amazing self-control - simply because she sees me hanging out with another woman... not doing anything, just like, walking and talking... well... Yup.
The dumbest thing about the whole deal is that they're usually aimed at me by people I work with or used to hang out with, and I was actually *afraid* and *expecting* that this would happen - people would start making problems for me *because they're envious*. Heh, showbiz. Like, f. in., it turns out that this fairly young conductor with whom I worked on a project recently (and with whom I've worked previously... and who has *never* been such an asshat prick towards me like he's become this time around - we've had a pretty decent working relationship) is married to, like, designee's "sweet little aristocrat" BFF, and according to what I've learned, tried to bone said designee before getting married and got rebuked hard. And here I was wondering why is he making veiled comments regarding my dealings with said designee, lol, and acting all asshatty and AMOGy alluva sudden.
See, that's the kind of people I have to work with, lol. And they're sending bad mojo my way.
BTW., one more thing I noticed, and a possible reason for why many of my responders go with gaming/playing attempts: they're frickin' jealous. Very, very jealous. This may be a side effect of the "competing for sex" dealio I remember Shannon writing something about in his journal way back, or perhaps it's just how they are. But when I see a married woman, walking with her husband (we've always liked each other with the woman
), give me a panicked/nervous/jealous look - in such a blatant way that her husband *noticed it*, and this woman's got amazing self-control - simply because she sees me hanging out with another woman... not doing anything, just like, walking and talking... well... Yup.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
