Day 11
I had a dream last night and then I woke up in the middle of the night. It was around 4am. Then I couldn`t fall asleep for a solid 20 mins probably. So I kept thinking about the meaning of my dream. Unfortunately, I don`t remember the dream anymore. All I remember is coming to a conclusion before drifting off to sleep and the conclusion is that the dream has to to with my fear of being the center of attention.
Well not fear, but it`s just a really unpleasant feeling. I do what I have to do like give a presentation at conference or a meeting. Or when I was a kid and played tennis tournaments. I mean actual real tournaments for junior tennis players. I remember hating everyone looking at me. I loved tennis, loved playing it, loved competing professionally but wishing we could play without an audience. So if it`s something that has to be done, I will always do it. But if it`s optional like a friend had an idea for her wedding for us girls to do a dance routine in front of everyone, that is an example of something I will try to avoid it as much as I can. I mean, I would still do it because she is one of my best friends, I love her, it`s her wedding and it would make her happy but still...everyone looking at me...I don`t like it.
So I was thinking if it had anything to do with US/LM. Maybe it`s working on that? The unpleasant feelings I associate when being the center of attention. Maybe my subconscious is afraid that if I become successful and lucky I will become the center of attention and it doesn`t like that.
I had a dream last night and then I woke up in the middle of the night. It was around 4am. Then I couldn`t fall asleep for a solid 20 mins probably. So I kept thinking about the meaning of my dream. Unfortunately, I don`t remember the dream anymore. All I remember is coming to a conclusion before drifting off to sleep and the conclusion is that the dream has to to with my fear of being the center of attention.
Well not fear, but it`s just a really unpleasant feeling. I do what I have to do like give a presentation at conference or a meeting. Or when I was a kid and played tennis tournaments. I mean actual real tournaments for junior tennis players. I remember hating everyone looking at me. I loved tennis, loved playing it, loved competing professionally but wishing we could play without an audience. So if it`s something that has to be done, I will always do it. But if it`s optional like a friend had an idea for her wedding for us girls to do a dance routine in front of everyone, that is an example of something I will try to avoid it as much as I can. I mean, I would still do it because she is one of my best friends, I love her, it`s her wedding and it would make her happy but still...everyone looking at me...I don`t like it.
So I was thinking if it had anything to do with US/LM. Maybe it`s working on that? The unpleasant feelings I associate when being the center of attention. Maybe my subconscious is afraid that if I become successful and lucky I will become the center of attention and it doesn`t like that.
