08-28-2018, 12:47 AM
One loop a night definitively feels better, it feels like my brain has more time to process.
Couple days ago I had a really productive day, the day after it was 50% less productive and today when I woke up I wondered why I actually feel the motivation/eagerness has dwindled even more, bit by bit, day by day. It is interesting to witness the emotional component/difference in the motivation. It's still there enough for me to do what I gotta do today. I can see how my motivation/moods move in cycles, it would be nice if it was constant.
It's interesting because on 7 loops it feels like just a big cloud over my head and it is more challenging to bit point what is going on. With one loop, there is more space to "breath".
The last few days "negatives" having been coming about about lots of different things about myself (Funny enough not in a emotional crippling way) I then started to think when I achieve a few things I will run AM, as I want to care less about all this stuff and just have more of a IDGAF attitude about my perceived "flaws".
I was thinking this morning...years ago I never use to feel/see and care about these "negatives" about myself.
Then I remembered I am running US/LM and thought about how Success can relate to many areas, so maybe it is bringing these things up to the surface.
The question is what do I do when they come up to the surface?
For example this morning I woke up and had a hard on and looked at it and thought/felt that the size was in inadequate and that it was not hard enough! ...Why did these thoughts/feelings suddenly come up? How is this going to help me get a job? LOL
Anyway, I got out of bed and I am good at moving my thoughts into better feeling places, especially when I have been in a pretty good feeling place, so I just brushed it off, mainly because brushing it off felt a whole lot better than dwelling on the not so good feeling thoughts about myself.
You are what you think about yourself right?
I am thinking the sub works through things at more of a random all over the place way, instead of a linear timeline kinda way? As linear "time" is a man made concept, after all. So the past, present and future is now. Ahhhhh some it seems random, but as there is no time, it is not. But still, I wonder how it chooses what to work on and when?
I have had a few dreams involving situations that are kinda like memories from my childhood, you know when you have dreams like that it is going way back in time for sure lol.
Anyway, with this sub I am thinking of it as just a little helper instead of "Going to do everything for me". This way I can just forget about it and then consciously focus on doing what I gotta do.
I got to be choosy about writing on here, as It can actually make me feel worse. I feel much better forgetting about this place and just getting on with things. So I will do my best to up date now and then.
I very much look forward to my two days off, them days are amazing! Especially the second day off....WooooWEEEEEE
Couple days ago I had a really productive day, the day after it was 50% less productive and today when I woke up I wondered why I actually feel the motivation/eagerness has dwindled even more, bit by bit, day by day. It is interesting to witness the emotional component/difference in the motivation. It's still there enough for me to do what I gotta do today. I can see how my motivation/moods move in cycles, it would be nice if it was constant.
It's interesting because on 7 loops it feels like just a big cloud over my head and it is more challenging to bit point what is going on. With one loop, there is more space to "breath".
The last few days "negatives" having been coming about about lots of different things about myself (Funny enough not in a emotional crippling way) I then started to think when I achieve a few things I will run AM, as I want to care less about all this stuff and just have more of a IDGAF attitude about my perceived "flaws".
I was thinking this morning...years ago I never use to feel/see and care about these "negatives" about myself.
Then I remembered I am running US/LM and thought about how Success can relate to many areas, so maybe it is bringing these things up to the surface.
The question is what do I do when they come up to the surface?
For example this morning I woke up and had a hard on and looked at it and thought/felt that the size was in inadequate and that it was not hard enough! ...Why did these thoughts/feelings suddenly come up? How is this going to help me get a job? LOL
Anyway, I got out of bed and I am good at moving my thoughts into better feeling places, especially when I have been in a pretty good feeling place, so I just brushed it off, mainly because brushing it off felt a whole lot better than dwelling on the not so good feeling thoughts about myself.
You are what you think about yourself right?
I am thinking the sub works through things at more of a random all over the place way, instead of a linear timeline kinda way? As linear "time" is a man made concept, after all. So the past, present and future is now. Ahhhhh some it seems random, but as there is no time, it is not. But still, I wonder how it chooses what to work on and when?
I have had a few dreams involving situations that are kinda like memories from my childhood, you know when you have dreams like that it is going way back in time for sure lol.
Anyway, with this sub I am thinking of it as just a little helper instead of "Going to do everything for me". This way I can just forget about it and then consciously focus on doing what I gotta do.
I got to be choosy about writing on here, as It can actually make me feel worse. I feel much better forgetting about this place and just getting on with things. So I will do my best to up date now and then.
I very much look forward to my two days off, them days are amazing! Especially the second day off....WooooWEEEEEE
