Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

For you to have made it even this far with the shit you've had to deal with, I have to give you a standing ovation, man! Keep going.

Thanks Shannon I actually needed that encouragement. I won't lie part of me is sort of scared about this. If I finish my TEFL certificate and go the go to China route (where no one really speaks English unlike the Philippines) I will be in a foreign culture mostly by myself with no one to have my back. Will need to stand on my own 2 legs for the foreseeable future. Though I know this is the right decision. I need to get as far away from here as possible and cut off contact because I getting nothing of value from keeping these relationships.

On another note, there was another big reason I wanted to reply and I think it might interest you. Though you might not be able to make sense of it since you haven't even started working on 3.3 yet. I definitely had TID today from 3.3, no question about it. It was quite interesting. It was quite average day at first but I notice something at first when I certain customer showed up. She looked pretty average to me but when I saw her I had this type of energetic type feeling and took notice of her. I kind of wondered what that was about and thought it was TID then kind of ignored her afterwards and went about doing my work.

When things started to really hit me upside the head was when this one short Latina co-worker with a very nice rear end showed up to work. Nothing at first but I soon notice I started to obsessively notice her then when she was doing some work and had her back to me constantly. I looked at her butt then out of no where I felt something I hadn't felt since about version 3.01. On 3.01 when I noticed or saw a woman I liked I would instantly have this shock like feeling in my stomach area. This kept on increasing every time I would look away then look back. I also noticed my heart rate started getting faster and I started to feel warm.

I also noticed that , like Mr.Anderson, I started to feel myself getting drained a little. I didn't start to feel dizzy or light headed but I did feel myself go into a daze for a few seconds like I was staring out into space. Right after that I felt a little bit of hunger. I notice every time she would pass by me after that or I would even look at her rear end I could feel this energy slightly come off my forearms and move somewhat in the direct she was going. Another important thing was that I noticed a feeling I would get on 3.1. This feeling that something is "happening" and I would feel like something was going on in the back of my head. I don't know what but I could feel something really happening in my mind that I consciously couldn't understand.

There was another woman who was there who I see as "ok". She a decent person and is "sort" of cute but I don't have much interest in. We usually only talk for a few seconds or so. Today for the first time we actually stood and had a good, free flowing conversation for a good hour by ourselves. I did notice for some odd reason I sort of would give a full head to toe type glance every once a while and started feeling a "little" bit more attraction. Lastly there was a third girl there who I haven't really talked to and she is somewhat good looking with a somewhat good looking rear end. For the first time out of no where she asked me about my eyes (I wear green colored contacts now) and kept on staring at me with intensity while she was asking me this. As I was leaving worked I passed by her and she asked if I was leaving. I said yes then she said "byyyyeee" in a very flirty way.

Now for the things in regard to stuff trying to come in the way. I noticed something particular with the fear reaction. I noticed at times while this was all going on the fear would start to build up but then once it got to some unacceptable level it was like someone would pull the drain and the fear would drain out of my mind to a much lower level. That happened every time the fear seem to build up to a certain level. The last thing I noticed was that though it wasn't as loud I noticed part of my mind was frustrated. Like it didn't want to do these things yet it had no choice in the matter. I think that probably had something to do with my needing to be in control.

Either way, I thought you might find this interesting even though you haven't started on 3.3 yet. I am hopeful about this since on 3.2 I couldn't feel the aura at all unlike on 3.01 and 3.1. I assume that is because I was in "I don't care" mode all the time so the aura had no reason to activate at all.