UD is really working on me. In the last week, I've began writing here twice, and I scrapped both. The first was an all-out whine, me expecting someone to take it away. I was in touch with myself where something in me said "STOP", and I did, not posting it.
The second post was milder. However, it was fueled by fear, a fear of being alone. UD is working on my relation to myself, and that post was a mild "I don't feel loveable so I'm writing hoping for help, company, whatever". I actually was interrupted by a commitment I'd made, but I had no desire to go back to writing when I was through. It was an old mentality I've used myself and seen others use, and it's sick. It's codependency, which is a dishonest way to feel loveable. It's me lying to me.
What I am experiencing a lot though are awarenesses of major feelings and thoughts running me. I was in an ACA meeting Monday, and while speaking, I realized I sensed some guilt in me, and I spoke about it. Guilt is something I thought everyone had like I do. I just didn't think it was so active in MY life (seriously). Airing it disempowered it some :-)
What I really like about UD is that if I'm aware of something, I think UD must be working on it, so I don't have to do some ineffective control tactic on it (used to ALWAYS do this), and it's why I really am grateful for it. Change is SO much easier that way. For example, I've been seeing some active resistance. But me attempting control on it doesn't help at all. Just accepting it as active and leaving it alone allows UD to run around it, overpower it, or whatever is necessary. I truly, truly like that. UD helps me in so many ways.
Life isn't so difficult running UD. I'll keep my eyes on one day at a time, and I look forward to this. I'm going into work now. I find myself looking forward to handling old problems effectively, and I'm looking for good experiences continually. Life is good.
The second post was milder. However, it was fueled by fear, a fear of being alone. UD is working on my relation to myself, and that post was a mild "I don't feel loveable so I'm writing hoping for help, company, whatever". I actually was interrupted by a commitment I'd made, but I had no desire to go back to writing when I was through. It was an old mentality I've used myself and seen others use, and it's sick. It's codependency, which is a dishonest way to feel loveable. It's me lying to me.
What I am experiencing a lot though are awarenesses of major feelings and thoughts running me. I was in an ACA meeting Monday, and while speaking, I realized I sensed some guilt in me, and I spoke about it. Guilt is something I thought everyone had like I do. I just didn't think it was so active in MY life (seriously). Airing it disempowered it some :-)
What I really like about UD is that if I'm aware of something, I think UD must be working on it, so I don't have to do some ineffective control tactic on it (used to ALWAYS do this), and it's why I really am grateful for it. Change is SO much easier that way. For example, I've been seeing some active resistance. But me attempting control on it doesn't help at all. Just accepting it as active and leaving it alone allows UD to run around it, overpower it, or whatever is necessary. I truly, truly like that. UD helps me in so many ways.
Life isn't so difficult running UD. I'll keep my eyes on one day at a time, and I look forward to this. I'm going into work now. I find myself looking forward to handling old problems effectively, and I'm looking for good experiences continually. Life is good.
I want to be FREE!
