07-07-2018, 12:15 PM
(This post was last modified: 07-07-2018, 12:16 PM by Have at ye.)
Listening to my loops for the day. Tomorrow's break day.
I've been extremely focused on resolving blockages/fears/other resistance-causing things this past week. I could feel the progress, but I was also experiencing resistance-related thoughts - for instance I was trying to convince myself that life is pointless, everything is pointless, I'm just gonna get hurt again, and things never change, blah blah blah, for a couple of days, while at the same time trying to fight it with willpower. Then, yesterday, I was lying there, thinking all that stuff, and then I found myself asking myself: "That all you got?" And the thoughts quieted down.
Today, for instance, I was feeling pretty good.
Also I'm employing some means of dissolving deep-seated fears (rule 4 means, mostly), apart from using DMSI. The process is not exactly sunshine and rainbows, as it kinda drags it all out and then releases it (so I'm physically and emotionally experiencing the fears a lot of the time, mostly through anger, sometimes with memories attached - and the thing with fear-based damage is that it sticks because you're trying to avoid similar circumstances from occurring) but it's working. I've decided that I'm done living with all that fearful baggage. I'm really tired of living with it, be it conscious or not. So I'm getting rid of it employing *any means necessary*.
And that heavy sinking feeling in my heart is dissolving. It's mostly fear, as could have been suspected, lol.
A little bit slower on the results front, obviously, but things seem to be regaining momentum somewhat. Also I need to get back to cracking at work-stuff soon.
I've been extremely focused on resolving blockages/fears/other resistance-causing things this past week. I could feel the progress, but I was also experiencing resistance-related thoughts - for instance I was trying to convince myself that life is pointless, everything is pointless, I'm just gonna get hurt again, and things never change, blah blah blah, for a couple of days, while at the same time trying to fight it with willpower. Then, yesterday, I was lying there, thinking all that stuff, and then I found myself asking myself: "That all you got?" And the thoughts quieted down.
Today, for instance, I was feeling pretty good.
Also I'm employing some means of dissolving deep-seated fears (rule 4 means, mostly), apart from using DMSI. The process is not exactly sunshine and rainbows, as it kinda drags it all out and then releases it (so I'm physically and emotionally experiencing the fears a lot of the time, mostly through anger, sometimes with memories attached - and the thing with fear-based damage is that it sticks because you're trying to avoid similar circumstances from occurring) but it's working. I've decided that I'm done living with all that fearful baggage. I'm really tired of living with it, be it conscious or not. So I'm getting rid of it employing *any means necessary*.
And that heavy sinking feeling in my heart is dissolving. It's mostly fear, as could have been suspected, lol.
A little bit slower on the results front, obviously, but things seem to be regaining momentum somewhat. Also I need to get back to cracking at work-stuff soon.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
