DMSI 3.2 Random Musings and Journalings

[Have at ye]

Keeping at it with 7 loops ver. A at the volume mentioned above. I do believe it is working its way through anything untoward. It was a bit rough for a day or two there, one I've increased the number of loops to 7, mostly wounds in my heart (I actually have not thought there's so many of those, and that they're this deep. Oh well. Gotta deal with it sooner or later, so better sooner than later, right?). The liver area seems to be fine now. Stuff going on in my feet pretty much constantly, so that'd be the "root cause" stuff, I guess - I've been making good, steady progress in this regard ever since ver. 3.2 came out.

I've pretty much spent the last four days doing jack and squat, or rather: focusing on executing the healing aspects of DMSI. What I meant by "enforcing the Wall" is consciously exerting willpower in order to block off any and all avenues of distraction in order to execute the DMSI script - it basically consists of me lying on my back and staring at the roof, while stuff is going on in my thoughts, steering my thoughts towards a "I either do this now or else I'll be lying here like a moron staring at the roof for goodness knows how long". And I know myself - I really dislike boredom. I'm doing that whenever I notice resistance-related thoughts/behaviors when I'm up and about. Otherwise I'm taking it easy for the time being - fortunately I have nearly an entire month to get this sorted, and can commit quite a bit of time and mental resources to it for now.

There's a weird thing going on: I was resisting healing certain things because: a) going through the process of healing them is unpleasant, or at least I am making it unpleasant for myself, because: b) they were being used by me to resist executing, and once the stuff gets healed there's no more point in resisting, so c) this leads to a rather illogical conundrum on the part of my subC: I know that once this stuff gets cleared, it is going to be a *non-issue* - so there will be no point in resisting anything. Thing is, though, that I'm still trying to hold on to these issues because in many cases they're the result of emotional wounds, so I'm trying to keep the wounds unhealed as a precaution in order to... get myself to avoid further wounds. Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Logic goes out the window once again!

Let's keep cracking.

EDIT

Oh, BTW., I've noticed that sometimes when I'm listening to my loops of ver. A I get flooded with what feels like healing energy, all around my body. I got kinda used to the sensation now, but I still notice it from time to time. This did not occur on ver. B, nor did I notice that strong a concentration of healing energy back when I was doing one loop of ver. A.

EDIT II

I think I've got a good analogy for how the healing of them heart-wounds feels like - it's like a badly set bone getting broken again in order for it to heal properly. Like scar tissue getting dug out, in order to heal *properly* this time around, and to operate again. It's why I was at first extremely annoyed that certain things are reappearing, and then amazed at how it has to be re-set once more. It's a lot of stuff that I used to think that "I'm past all that now" until recently.