DMSI 3.2 Random Musings and Journalings

[Have at ye]

Continuing with ver. A, 7 loops. Thinking of raising the volume a bit for this week. I am now thinking that somehow I've come up with a behavioral jinx that somehow tries to meet all expectations that are demanded of me, but is used to the bar being constantly raised/the goals changed suddenly or the achievements being discredited or unappreciated from the outside that it has become scared of ever trying to go for anything. This also manifests itself in my outside experience of reality, with circumstances doing its damnedest to reinforce the beliefs that result in this state of affairs. Hence probably the "but I don't wanna/I can't do all this" reaction I'd sometimes get when using a higher volume of the newgen subs.

This is, most probably, developmentally conditioned. Probably the result of having an inattentive/emotionally unstable mother.

Many other things are going on on the healing front apart from the above, with various effects concordant with DMSI execution still in place. On ver. B these were much more pronounced, but I think I'll stick with ver. A for the time being - perhaps until the effects I get become as pronounced on ver. A as they were on ver. B.

I am having many weird dreams (fortunately no more dreams that'd put David Lynch to shame, lol), also concordant with healing. Had one where at the end I woke up scared of what was happening in the dream. But there is progress.

Also, I'm noticing the need for more sleep on ver. A than on ver. B. This can also be reinforced by the workathon I had these past two months.