06-10-2018, 01:39 PM
So today I was first kinda angry, and then kinda sad, and then angry and sad at the same time. Now I'm listening to my loops of the day and feeling a little bit better.
Getting strong resentment vibes from my sweet little aristocrat. I am somewhat disappointed, yet cannot say this is unexpected.
Hopefully she'll smarten up. There really is no point otherwise, as I am not going to relent, not after such an obvious, annoying and unnecessary shit-test she's thrown my way. We could have made a fun little game out of it, and this I would have loved because I actually enjoy a good courtship, lol, but what she did was a very crude attempt at playing with my emotions in order to get me to pursue, and this I shall not abide. *Never again*.
Also, I consider it an insult to my intelligence.
These past few days I've been asking myself: why? What's the point of all this smoke, and all these mirrors? I can see everything - I know how things work, I see behaviorism in play plain as day, I've seen all the tricks, I've been through all the bullshit; I can tell what anyone's trying to pull before they try to pull it. I keep hoping that maybe this time I'll get some frickin' honesty, or at least enough decency to not *insult my intelligence*, but no. This works on everyone, right? So it should work on me, too, right? Even though I've communicated that *IT WON'T*. And then they keep trying, again, and again, and again, and again. Making themselves miserable in the process.
It's what I've been tired of these past few days, mostly. I am tired of playing by these stupid rules. I now choose to rise above them, and change the playing field.
Because I either do, or to hell with all of this.
Getting strong resentment vibes from my sweet little aristocrat. I am somewhat disappointed, yet cannot say this is unexpected.
Hopefully she'll smarten up. There really is no point otherwise, as I am not going to relent, not after such an obvious, annoying and unnecessary shit-test she's thrown my way. We could have made a fun little game out of it, and this I would have loved because I actually enjoy a good courtship, lol, but what she did was a very crude attempt at playing with my emotions in order to get me to pursue, and this I shall not abide. *Never again*.Also, I consider it an insult to my intelligence.
These past few days I've been asking myself: why? What's the point of all this smoke, and all these mirrors? I can see everything - I know how things work, I see behaviorism in play plain as day, I've seen all the tricks, I've been through all the bullshit; I can tell what anyone's trying to pull before they try to pull it. I keep hoping that maybe this time I'll get some frickin' honesty, or at least enough decency to not *insult my intelligence*, but no. This works on everyone, right? So it should work on me, too, right? Even though I've communicated that *IT WON'T*. And then they keep trying, again, and again, and again, and again. Making themselves miserable in the process.
It's what I've been tired of these past few days, mostly. I am tired of playing by these stupid rules. I now choose to rise above them, and change the playing field.
Because I either do, or to hell with all of this.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
