My EPHRA 2.0 Journal

[JCasterlin]

Day 6 - Still dealing with a ton of resistance. Caught between knowing that listening to E2 is the best thing & wanting to jump to ASC or AM6. I am slowly beginning to realize that a lot of the resistance when I think or feel my life should be a certain way right now. That I don't think I should have to or don't want to wait however long it takes to do the work. Obviously the only way to get where I want to be is to put in the time & do the work. A lot of the resistance & pain I feel comes from comparing myself to other people & their situations. Especially if its work related. It's been a huge struggle for me to watch people I trained with or who were in training classes after me do so well from the get go because they have prior experience in the industry . Intellectually I get that they were at one point where I'm at right now. I'm aware that this way of thinking is probably playing a huge part in how I hold myself back & I realize spending six to eighteen months listening to E2 isn't really that long. This is where I know that I need to become more mature emotionally so I can let go of the attachments that are causing my issues

I can relate to your last 2 posts, I've had that feeling plenty times in life. The only way you don't "keep watch of your progress clock" so to speak, is to work your ass off day and night to relentlessly improve. Make it so you don't even have time to notice how long your progression is taking, or simply take stock of your progress about once a month to make sure you're still on track. Remember too, by comparing yourself to others, you're derailing yourself in many ways. The more you focus on how others are moving forward, the faster you'll make yourself go backwards. Stop giving other people your power and make yourself your only competition.

I will keep that at the front of my mind. There are days I don't care what other people are doing. I'm not sure why it's even an issue for me. I'm fairly certain a lot if not all of it is somehow ego related. I say that because I've asked myself occasionally " how in the fuck is that person doing better than I am? "