My EPHRA 2.0 Journal

[Antaeus]

I read somewhere in the forum how running E2 can be addicting. That would be an interesting experience. I will see how I feel as time goes by if I decide to go beyond the 180 days. I grew up with incredibly toxic as well as mentally & emotionally unhealthy parents & step parents. I never really understood why I had so many of the same issues over & over again in my life until I started reading about narcissism & the traits & characteristics of emotionally unhealthy people. One of my earliest memories is watching my Mother & Father fight. I recall this endless back & forth blame game especially on my fathers end. Guy had been remarried for several years & was still blaming my mother for various wrongs in his life. I saw my father & step mother spend money they didn't have & listened to the sound of the telephone endlessly ringing usually with a bill collector calling or the electric company knocking on the door to either get a past due payment or as in two cases , temporarily shut off the power.
I saw & heard my parents & step parents say & do some of the most toxic , hateful, self sabotaging things . My step father always acted like I was a problem to be gotten rid of. He used to beat on me for the smallest of issues . Usually something related to me somehow being a bad influence on his children from a previous marriage. He tried twice to have me sent to a foster home. Both my parents & step parents seemed to have no problem questioning my intelligence growing up. I was told I would be lucky to graduate high school. Never mind I was the first kid in the family to do so on time & with extra credits. I could go on but as you can see I've got quite a bit inside me I wish to eliminate before I take the journey towards AM.

Yikes! I'm sorry all that happened to you. I'll definitely be reading your journal on this as time goes on. It'll be interesting to see how you progress. Best of luck.