04-02-2018, 08:44 PM
DMSI 3.2 A Day 8(Off Day)
Went out with one of my good buddies to a work party thing of his out at a bar Saturday night. I have noticed that while my anxiety about certain things hasn't gone away my ability to do things DESPITE being anxious has greatly increased. Like I may have not even went back when I was even drinking cause I wouldn't know anyone there besides my friend, but now even though I felt anxious about it and wouldn't be using any alcohol to cope, I still went out anyway. I am now actively trying to put myself out there and do things I don't want to do and face my fears.
I felt pretty good out there, had some anxiety at times, but talked to a lot of his coworkers and had a good time. They were all really cool. Some of the girls showed me some iois, but nothing crazy. The majority also had bfs though.
Later that night we went to some of the most poppin bars in town, huge packed places with djs and and a lot of hotties. This enlivenment is still a bit out of my comfort zone without the use of alcohol to aid me. I did lock eyes with a few girls though as I moved around and they smiled and seemed interested. At one point we were sitting down just chilling at a table and a group of girls were dancing near us and edging closer and closer. One kept bending over and shaking her ass right towards us. Another decent looking gal sat pretty close to me where I could have just scooted over and started up a convo with her. The music was pretty loud to clearly talk though and I couldn't muster up the courage to make the move. Maybe if she was a bit more attractive it could have enticed me to pull the trigger(or maybe you just need to quit being a pussy*SELF BURN*)
I might not be getting the reactions i'm after quite yet or feeling 100% relaxed or irresistibly sexy , but I AM impressed with my ability to now be able to go out and cope without alcohol in any bar environment. I couldn't envision myself having the balls to attempt this or being able to handle it prior to 3.2.
My Mom and brother both commented on a picture that I was tagged in on FB that night saying I looked different, more vibrant and alive. I thought I also noticed that it seems like my jawline is more distinguished.
At home is when I am noticing I am having the most anxiety lately. It seems like its really picked up ever since I started version A. Its like some of the thought patterns and issues I usually struggle with or have struggled with in the past are being brought up more and intensified. Im not sure if it is a sign of healing going on under the surface or perhaps a reaction my subconscious is having to the programming and the positive changes I have made in my life to try prevent me from changing.
At any rate despite having these thoughts and feeling I am sicking to my guns and continuing with DMSI and continuing on the path to betterment. That is another change that is in line with still going out despite it being uncomfortable. In the past these thoughts and feeling would have probably derailed me. Sent me into breaking my no fap. Sent me into getting absolutely plastered on the weekend. Sent me into hiding from them in netflix or social media binges. Not this time though. While it is uncomfortable and I would like to be rid of them I am not running away. I am continuing with the good habits I have built and straying from the bad. I just now need to trust that my persistence will pay off in the end.
Went out with one of my good buddies to a work party thing of his out at a bar Saturday night. I have noticed that while my anxiety about certain things hasn't gone away my ability to do things DESPITE being anxious has greatly increased. Like I may have not even went back when I was even drinking cause I wouldn't know anyone there besides my friend, but now even though I felt anxious about it and wouldn't be using any alcohol to cope, I still went out anyway. I am now actively trying to put myself out there and do things I don't want to do and face my fears.
I felt pretty good out there, had some anxiety at times, but talked to a lot of his coworkers and had a good time. They were all really cool. Some of the girls showed me some iois, but nothing crazy. The majority also had bfs though.
Later that night we went to some of the most poppin bars in town, huge packed places with djs and and a lot of hotties. This enlivenment is still a bit out of my comfort zone without the use of alcohol to aid me. I did lock eyes with a few girls though as I moved around and they smiled and seemed interested. At one point we were sitting down just chilling at a table and a group of girls were dancing near us and edging closer and closer. One kept bending over and shaking her ass right towards us. Another decent looking gal sat pretty close to me where I could have just scooted over and started up a convo with her. The music was pretty loud to clearly talk though and I couldn't muster up the courage to make the move. Maybe if she was a bit more attractive it could have enticed me to pull the trigger(or maybe you just need to quit being a pussy*SELF BURN*)
I might not be getting the reactions i'm after quite yet or feeling 100% relaxed or irresistibly sexy , but I AM impressed with my ability to now be able to go out and cope without alcohol in any bar environment. I couldn't envision myself having the balls to attempt this or being able to handle it prior to 3.2.
My Mom and brother both commented on a picture that I was tagged in on FB that night saying I looked different, more vibrant and alive. I thought I also noticed that it seems like my jawline is more distinguished.
At home is when I am noticing I am having the most anxiety lately. It seems like its really picked up ever since I started version A. Its like some of the thought patterns and issues I usually struggle with or have struggled with in the past are being brought up more and intensified. Im not sure if it is a sign of healing going on under the surface or perhaps a reaction my subconscious is having to the programming and the positive changes I have made in my life to try prevent me from changing.
At any rate despite having these thoughts and feeling I am sicking to my guns and continuing with DMSI and continuing on the path to betterment. That is another change that is in line with still going out despite it being uncomfortable. In the past these thoughts and feeling would have probably derailed me. Sent me into breaking my no fap. Sent me into getting absolutely plastered on the weekend. Sent me into hiding from them in netflix or social media binges. Not this time though. While it is uncomfortable and I would like to be rid of them I am not running away. I am continuing with the good habits I have built and straying from the bad. I just now need to trust that my persistence will pay off in the end.
