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+--- Thread: Smashing Paradigms- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal (/Thread-Smashing-Paradigms-Broskis-DMSI-3-2-B-Journal)
Smashing Paradigms- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 02-24-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 3
Hey dudes, been awhile.
I had an old journal where i started off with the very first version of dmsi all the way up to 3.1, but I figured it would be a good idea to start things fresh for this badboy.
I think this will be a great test of 3.2s power and ability to overcome resistance as I feel I am one of the more resistant individuals when it comes to subs. Its my belief that it stems from a fear of losing control(both conscious and subconsciously)
To put my resistance in perspective the entire time I was on dmsi I had sex with ZERO woman. In the same time period prior to starting dmsi i had sex with 3 different woman. After stopping dmsi I had sex with 5 different woman and in a much shorter time period.
I stopped using dmsi 3.1 around last may and took a break from subs in general. My dry spell continued until last October when all of a sudden out of no where I had sex with 3 different woman within the same WEEK.This was when one of my good friends was in town and we went out every other night so there were plenty of opportunities, but still i dont think i had ever even had sex with 3 different woman in the same month before let alone week. Bear in mind these also weren't the hottest girls of all time. One was bar none the least attractive girl i had ever been with lol and the other two were cute but nothing special. Still though like I said I had never had sex with that many woman in such a short time period before.
Fast forward a month later to November and I had sex with a girl i could never seal the deal with before. I wrote about her multiple times in my old journal. That was definitely something as I had been trying to get something going with her for a LONG time with no success then BOOM one night the magic happened. She hasn't wanted to again since but eh whatever, that notch is on my belt whether you like it or not sista
Fast forward another month to December and i meet this cute kinky girl that is insanely into me and gets incredibly turned on by me and wants to fuck all the time. We have continued to fuck every week
ever since so thats pretty cool.
Im not sure if this was a late blooming effect from dmsi once I was off it or what. 5 months seems a bit long for that, but I suppose its possible. I just found it curious that I was much more successful with woman before and after compared to when i was on dmsi which to me is a big indicator of my resistance to subs(knock it off)
So now onto the new powerhouse that is DMSI 3.2. I have been on it for 3 days now and here is what I have noticed thus far. I am tired as all hell. I have some sleep issues and tend to be tired often in general, but since ive been running 3.2 my tiredness has went to a whole nother level.Two of the days I woke up earlier than i needed too and couldn't fall back to sleep so that is probably part of it.
I recently started the ol no fab movement along with trying to cut down some other addictive activities like too much time on the internet, phone, and tv. Well the no fap streak was abruptly broken today and with the no masturbation programming in the script it appears I am unfortunately still resisting the beast that is 3.2(Just let it happen bro)
Also I am not for sure on this but it SEEMS like I have been less hungry since starting 3.2. As food is one of the main sources of energy for the program could this possibly be a way I am subconsciously resisting the program? I think it is at least good I am becoming aware of these different ways in which I am possibly resisting the program so I can then go forward and try to consciously correct them.
As far as results go I cant say ive noticed anything as of yet. The first night i felt like i was more relaxed/calm after the first loop but then that feeling went away the next day and i haven't felt any other internal shifts or indicators of feeling more sexy. I got some iois from different girls when I was out last night, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. I was dancing with a real cute petite girl and thought I was going to go home with her, but she decided against it last minute(Prude much?)
Well thats about it for now fellas. I will update with more when I have anything else of note.
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 02-27-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 6
So I didn't include this with my first post, but about 5 days before starting 3.2 something in me switched. Ive been into personal development for almost 4 years now and read ALOT of different material. I applied and tried many different things I learned, but never seemed to find the success I wanted.I dont think I ever REALLY fully omitted to doing WHATEVER it would take to break past my issues/obstacles and live up to my full potential. 5 days before starting 3.2 though I felt like I might have hit this point. I was tired of where I was at in my life and how I felt and knew I needed to start making some MASSIVE changes if I wanted to really change it.I had an actual desire to commit to radically changing the way I lived my life to break past certain barriers Ive had for a long time now and to truly be the best version of myself.
I decided I needed to cut out all the additive habits I had that were not serving me and my goals. That meant no more jerking off(was already working on getting rid of this one)no more Netflix binges or watching mindless tv shows, no more mindless social media scrolling or internet browsing, no more checking my phone every 5 seconds and texting all day, no more binge drinking on the weekends with my friends. I was commuted to cutting all of this overstimulating toxic nonsense down/out and delegating my time to only doing productive activities that would better me.
I started doing all of this last Monday and promised myself that Friday was the last day I would have any alcohol(Went to a big wedding with some friends).The hangover the following day through off most of these things, but I was right back on track on Sunday and have stuck to it since.Could this possibly be the TID(may have fd up that acronym lol) effect of DMSI at play? I dont know. I first learned how destructive some of these habits/addictions are to ones life and aspirations of personal development from a guy named Leo who runs Actualized.org. I first watched his videos on clearing addictions maybe a year or so ago and tried to do it to some degree but pretty half assedly to be honest and never stuck to it. This time around though I have a VERY strong urge to do this
COMPLETELY and stick it out. Could it be dmsi, or could it be the fact that im just fed up with where I am at right now and realize I need to take responsibility and do something about it? Possibly a little bit of both? Who knows, but I will take it.
Alright, on to how ive been feeling lately after being on 3.2 for a solid 6 days. The initial tiredness and lack of appetite I seemed to be feeling the first couple of days seems to have subsided. Overall as a whole I am feeling more relaxed lately, more in the moment and better able to express myself(possibly a side effect of unplugging from all the stimulating addictive habits I had) Been more focused on my goals and what I needed to get done that day.
Yesterday the kinky girl that ive been regularly hooking up with that I mentioned in the first post messaged me a sexy pic of her out of the blue.We generally only really text and hookup on the weekends as she knows im not interested in a relationship and it generally works better then for our schedules.She said she was horny af. Now she has said stuff like that before, but its generally incited by me teasing her sexually and not her texting and saying it out of the blue. So i thought that was interesting. She had today off so she wanted to hook up that night. I told her maybe later, but I had to get work done first. She normally has to get up REALLY early for her job so she was passed out by the time I was done unfortunately.
Today though she outright said "its been too long I need your cock inside me". I told her once again I had a lot of stuff to do but maybe when I was done. I also said I have no idea why she would want when she had to get up so early in the morning for work. She insisted she would be fine though and wanted to anyway. Once again though by the time I was ready she was passed out. Now im not sure if she triggered it or it was just a weird state I was randomly in...I actually dont even think she was the reason as I started feeling it long before she passed out, but I got into this state of utter annoyance. Like I was just incredibly annoyed/pissed off about everything and couldnt really pinpoint why. She just happened to be in the cross fire.I actually felt so irritated/annoyed I couldnt focus enough to do the work I was trying to get done and just ended up texting her instead. So when I texted her I was ready and she was already passed out I found myself very irritated. I texted her"Figures..please dont text me acting like you want to hang out so bad when you are going to pass out every time. Getting kind of annoying" I feel like I normally wouldnt have cared and would have just been about my business, but this state I was in was very powerful. I tried to logically rationalize with myself but the annoyance I was feeling overpowered it. Some sort of resistance maybe? Or maybe its a sort of withdrawal effect from cutting down on everything? Once again cant say for sure.
Thats about it for now.
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-01-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 8
I apologized yesterday to my kinky galpal for how I reacted. She didn't deserve it and I shouldn't have cared either way so I felt like it was the right thing to do. She accepted it and all is well. we will most likely proceed to weekend bangage peruse.
Ive started taking 5-10 minute cold showers right when I wake up in the morning. Its a challenge, but I feel like its a worthwhile habit to continue with. It builds your "I really dont want to do this shit, but im going to anyway" muscle. I tend to feel really refreshed and relaxed afterwards. Today though for some reason I started having anxiety during and after it and kind of had this nassaus feeling. This lasted for a bit. Im thinking it might be some form of resistance showing up. Its mostly subsided now and im just feeling real tired like I did after the first few days of use
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - 4Kingdoms - 03-01-2018
(03-01-2018, 11:55 AM)Broski Wrote: Ive started taking 5-10 minute cold showers right when I wake up in the morning. Its a challenge, but I feel like its a worthwhile habit to continue with. It builds your "I really dont want to do this shit, but im going to anyway" muscle. I tend to feel really refreshed and relaxed afterwards.
Hydrotherapy as an effective way of releasing tensions in both the mind and the body is an ancient practice that dates back thousands of years.
The cycle of hot-cold-relax is proven to both energize and rest the body, improving blood circulation and activating the lymphatic system to help detoxification. It also actively promotes the release of endorphins, also known as the “well-being hormones”.
Interesting because there is a Detox Module in 3.2!!
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-01-2018
(03-01-2018, 12:05 PM)4Kingdoms Wrote:(03-01-2018, 11:55 AM)Broski Wrote: Ive started taking 5-10 minute cold showers right when I wake up in the morning. Its a challenge, but I feel like its a worthwhile habit to continue with. It builds your "I really dont want to do this shit, but im going to anyway" muscle. I tend to feel really refreshed and relaxed afterwards.
Hydrotherapy as an effective way of releasing tensions in both the mind and the body is an ancient practice that dates back thousands of years.
The cycle of hot-cold-relax is proven to both energize and rest the body, improving blood circulation and activating the lymphatic system to help detoxification. It also actively promotes the release of endorphins, also known as the “well-being hormones”.
Interesting because there is a Detox Module in 3.2!!
Yeah after learning about all the benefits I figured why not make it a daily habit.Should only help me in everything in the long run. Some SERIOUS incentive to eliminate toxic habits as of late so im thinkin the detox module is indeed likely at play here
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-02-2018
So last night ol kinky gal was at a concert and hit me up saying she was horny.She ended up coming over after it was done.Shes pretty submissive to me so im usually the one that initiates but she started playing with my dick pretty quick this time and then it was on.My first bangage on 3.2 then officially commenced(party streamers and and balloons are released with horns sounding in background) Now lets see if we can get some new girls in the mix.
Now lets talk about some crazy ass dreams I had last night after she left... these legit disturbed/terrified me after I had them and I wasn't planning on journaling about them and honestly hoped I would just forget them. The emotional charge that I experienced from them right after I had them has died down though so I think im alright to share them now.
So in the first one I was at my grandparents on my dads side house. They have both been deceased for awhile now. Some stuff was going on beforehand but I just want to get to the last intense part. So my grandparents were sitting next to each other in chairs and my grandpa started to legit burn alive. Like he wasnt on fire but his skin was turning all ashen and he was smoldering. My grandma was crying saying something like she could smell that he was going(cant remember exactly) My grandpa struggled to say some sort of parting words as he continued to smolder. I got all upset in the dream and turned around and was trying to go upstairs to leave, I ran into my Dad who was on the stairs videoing the whole thing around the corner. He saw that I was upset and started to cry himself and said I need you here son. Which made me even more emotional and I put my arm on his shoulder and said im here for you dad. And that was it. Pretty intense stuff right?
So a little context....my grandfather was a very intelligent man, but at the end of his life developed Alzheimers and pretty much mentally degraded into a child. My grandmother single handedly took care of him up until almost the end. She was one of the strongest most kind hearted individuals I have ever known. Im not sure if the dream had to due with the Alzheimers symbolically or what, but it definitely affected me emotionally right after.
Then theres this next dream.....I was driving in a car in some city when on the radio all of a sudden there was this breaking news that there was a gigantic terrorist attack happening on the city and thousands were being killed. Then all of a sudden I start hearing multiple gun shots and screams. There was a loud explosion and this big building to the left of me started to completely collapse inwards on itself. The shockwave sent my car swerving out of control and straight through a window of another building. I got out of the car and ran inside looking for cover. Everyone was frantically screaming and running about, and then BOOM, another explosion and shockwave. The building starts to collapse down on us and we are all starting to get covered up in rubble. I am stuck in place as rubble continues piling on top of me crushing and suffocating me to death. Im not gonna lie to you guys, I felt utter terror during this dream. It felt so real it was crazy. I legit thought I was dying. Usually in dreams if something scary happens I realize im in a dream and can wake myself up. Not this one though. It crossed my mind in it "is this a dream"? then the realization hit me that it wasnt cause it honestly felt real at the time and that was pretty damn frightening to experience.
These two dreams happened back to back and when I awoke from them I was pretty overwhelmed. I wasn't sure what to think. I haven't had such intense dreams like these in a long time, if ever.I have no idea what they mean if anything, but thought I might as well share them.
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-02-2018
On a lighter note when I fell back asleep I had another dream that wasn't quite so intense. I was at some sort of social function. I ran into this kid that used to pick on me when I was in middle school, but then decided it was a good idea to befriend me later in high school when I started lifting weights and got a lot bigger lol. So anyway I was walking down a hallway and we bump into each other. Hes like did you see fedor fight last night?(Fedor is an mma fighter that is considered one of the best heavyweights of all time. Used to compete in an mma organization called pride in Japan that used to rival the UFC back in the day) Im like no, what happened? Hes like he killed the dude in a minute! Im like awesome. We proceed into this auditorium and I lead us up to the top in front of this projector for some presentation. An announcement comes on that says we are watching a video on breast cancer awareness, to which I immediately raise my fist and yell "For the boobs!". It was utter crickets besides a faint girls voice saying "did he really just say that" hahaha. I didn't care though. My buddy pulled up a seat next to me smiling. Then for some reason I was suddenly shirtless listening to music. Some girls to the side of me are like omg whats he doing...Im just thinking yeah, dont act like you dont enjoy eyeballin this
So yeah, thats about it for that one lol
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-02-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 9
Its a Friday night and here I am, alone, typing away on my computer. Yeah, im cool af, you dont need to tell me. Put off some work I needed to do last night when kinky girl came over, so figured id utilize tonight to get it done.
A bunch of my friends were all going out tonight and wanted me to join, but I had to turn them down to work on things. They're probably not going to be too thrilled when they hear the news that im not planning to drink anymore, but its something I need to do for myself. I cant be going out getting smashed every weekend even if its only once a week if I want to reach the goals I have for myself. Ive known for awhile now that I should probably stop drinking, but could never fully commit because I felt like if I did that meant saying goodbye to a bunch of my friends and never being able to go out and have fun anymore. I realize now that its not a black and white issue. I can go out with them and still have a good time without having to drink. It will actually be a good challenge for me and opportunity to step outside my comfort zone without the aid of alcohol and grow
After talking to my brother for awhile earlier today I realized that I am really changing and its happening pretty quick. Just the way I feel and how im talking. Im much more relaxed and able to stay in the moment and verbalize things. Ive always had a big problem with getting stuck in my head too much and overthinking things.
The funny thing is though after I realized this I started getting anxiety about it. I think we all fear change and uncertainty to varying degrees. The realization that I wasnt the same as I was even a week or two ago and might never be able to go back to that was a frightening concept to me even though logically I know its for the best and what I want.Then of course I started getting anxiety about having anxiety aka the ol feedback loop from hell lol. Fear can be quite the silly irrational little bastard.
I just tried to tell myself this is for the best and what I want. Its normal to have anxiety with change and uncertainty. I told myself that regardless of how I feel I am on the right path and I need to keep taking positive action. Keep up with playing dmsi, cutting out bad habits, and continuing the good ones.
Onward and upward my friends
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-03-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 10
Went out to a friends that was having a little grill out get together today. I got the chance to explain to most of my friends that I wouldn't be partaking in any drinking any longer. They were all really cool about it. I honestly thought there might be some acting of "eh whatever" like I wasn't really serious about it or them being bummed out, but they were all really supportive and thought it was real cool that I was doing that for myself. I think part of the reason why is because I explained to them my genuine reasons for doing it, how I felt about the whole thing, and the fact that I would still be coming out to hang with everyone despite not drinking. I would have stuck to my guns on it regardless, but it definitely felt good knowing my friends wholeheartedly had my back in the matter.
There were only 3 girls over there and they were all my friends gfs, but definitely got some iois from then. Lots of laughs from them and them all smiles and giggly when talking to me. Nothing really crazy or out of the ordinary though. One big thing I did notice though is even though I didn't have a drop of alcohol I honestly felt more relaxed and in the flow than even when ive had a fair amount to drink. Conversations just felt a lot more natural and smooth and I had a more general relaxed feeling about me than normal. I feel like im starting to get out of my head and be able to be more of myself. Still felt some self consciousness/anxiety at times, but I really love the direction this is heading. Im not sure if its from any specific effect from dmsi, the fact that ive kept up with cutting out/down all my negative habits like binging on netlfix, being on social media all the time/ looking at my phone every 5 seconds ect(which was likely pushed by dmsi) or possibly a combo of the two, but fuck it ill take it.
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-06-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 13
Hello my fellow brethen(bows),
On the ladies front; I work from home so do not get much exposure to woman during the week unfortunately. I haven't gotten any extra texts, snaps or attention on Facebook from what I can tell.
Last few days ive found myself having some more anxiety and losing the more smooth relaxed in the moment vibe that I was starting to experience and was really coming to enjoy. I haven't completely reverted back to how I was before 3.2, but im definitely more anxious/ in my head as of late.
I think what it might be is an attempt from my subconscious to resist/sabotage the positive changes
I was experiencing and pull me back to where I was beforehand. Despite feeling this way I have continued with keeping up my good habits, straying from the bad, and getting done what needs to get done to advance towards my goals. Im telling myself that no matter how I feel I gotta keep going forward and doing the right things. How im feeling now is only temporary and if I keep pushing forward I will likely advance to even greater heights in time.
RE: Pure sex- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-11-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 18
Went out a few times this weekend and had the chance to test if dmsi was having any tangible effects on the ladies. No real noticeable indicators of increased attraction from what I observed. Perhaps even less than the norm in some instances. This could partly be due to the fact it was my first weekend out at bars not drinking anymore, so I definitely wasn't as relaxed as I normally am under the influence. Going out without drinking may take a bit to get used to, but I still think its a good opportunity for me to get out of my comfort zone and grow. My end goal is to get to the point where I am completely comfortable and socially fee without any alcohol.
Had kinky girl over one of the nights. I DID feel a bit more relaxed and sexy while with her than the norm and she came twice and pretty quick both times. Still hoping to recruit some new girls into the ol sexual rotation in the not too distant future.
The increased general anxiety I have been feeling lately has died down. The more relaxed in the moment vibe I was experiencing around the day 6-10 mark hasnt seemed to come back though. At some points I feel more relaxed and in the moment, but not nearly to the degree I was around that time. Im finding myself back to being more self conscious and having trouble verbalizing my thoughts. I think when I realized how much I was changing/ how different I felt around that time period that both my conscious and subconscious mind freaked out a bit and pulled me back around baseline.
The good news though is I still haven't relapsed into fapping and stuck it out with being completely sober this weekend despite the resistance. Still being productive and motivated to keep killing it with my goals. Im finding myself becoming more outcome independent when it comes to my results from dmsi. Now dont get me wrong I definitely still want to achieve the goal of the program and start seeing great results, but im thinking of things in more of an experimental light right now than before. Like a scientist going out with his hypothesis and making observations. If I dont see any tangible results, sure, I might be a bit disappointed, but im done being a victim and feeling sorry for myself. Im more focused on and invested in developing myself and pursuing my life purpose. I will keep playing the program and whatever happens happens.
RE: Smashing Paradigms- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-15-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 21
Today when I was with one of my more attractive clients who I see once a week I felt more relaxed and sexy in her presence than usual. She is married, but I always thought she had a bit of a thing for me. Today she seemed to respond to me even more than normal. Shes always flirty with me, but it seemed up a notch today. She was staring at me more, gave me butt and chest presentations, and was going up and down with her hand on her monster can like she was stroking it off at one point lol. I felt the most relaxed and smooth when talking to her today than I possibly ever have.
The weird thing is when shes left and i was back to regular ol life I reverted back to my usual self. More self conscious, in my head, not as relaxed or fluid with words. A bit frustrating, but I realize big change is a process and it takes time.
I am notoriously not the best sleeper, but my sleep has been much better as of late. Im falling asleep quicker, waking up less, and sleeping for longer than normal. This has translated into me feeling less tired during the day and my lifts in the gym improving(flexes cannonball biceps) I think less overall electronic stimulation might be partly why im sleeping better. I haven't watched much tv at all since starting 3.2 and am on social media and my phone much less. Basically just mostly using my computer for productive activities.
Another thing ive noticed lately is I will have spells of irritability where I just want to keep to myself and be left alone. Noticed this around the first week of use as well.
Also for the first time since starting 3.2 ive been getting bouts of horniness where I go into visualizing having sex with some of the more attractive females I know(like my client from today). Its only happened a few times and it doesn't last very long however. Still have kept to no masturbation or porn use during the run.
These last two days ive noticed my motivation dip for the first time during this run with 3.2. Ive been all about kicking ass and taking names with my goals for the most part since I started, but these last two days I left a few of my daily goals unchecked. I realize you cant always be perfect and its not like I was a complete unproductive mess or anything. Just a few things I didn't get done cause I didn't want to muster up the emotional energy to make it happen.
Ive been contemplating whether I should stick to version B after this 30 days is up or give A a shot. Part of me likes the idea of the B mentality. Just doing whatever it takes to make this shit happen and achieve the design goal. Perhaps version A would be a better fit for me though and my subconscious might better cooperate with it. I dont know. I will definitely give it some more thought though and see what happens by the end of these 30 days before I make my final decision.
RE: Smashing Paradigms- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-18-2018
DMSI 3.2 B Day 25
Went out last night for St. Patrick's Day.Went to a bar then one of my friends house parties. No noticeable signs of increased attraction. Hit up kinky girl to see if she wanted to come out, but she said she was going to one of her friends from works parties. I said "aighty" to which she didn't respond. Then a bit later I said let me know if you want to hang after and again no response which is rather strange for her. I don't think she has ever NOT replied to one of my texts before. I'm always the last one to text so that was new.
Was pretty exhausted so ended up coming home a bit early.Tweaked my upper back a bit lifting the other day and while in bed I turned a bit quick and totally fd it up lol. So was in pretty bad pain all last night and my sleep was shit. Had a real strong urge to masturbate and resisted it at first, but with the not being able to sleep, fd back, ad overall disappointment of the day ended up giving into it(facepalm) I've decided i'm going to switch to A once it comes out and see if I have better luck with that
RE: Smashing Paradigms- Broskis DMSI 3.2 B Journal - Broski - 03-30-2018
DMSI 3.2 A Day 5
Hey guys! Been a minute. So as you can see I switched it up to try out version A this time around, and man, I have been on quite the roller coaster ride lately.
It seemed like right after the first listen on day one my anxiety levels rose. It has been that way ever since. Some strong negative thoughts and emotions coming up here and there.
This is mostly when I am home to myself however. When I am out around people and girls I have started to get more in the moment and relaxed again lately. Like with my attractive client this past week, she showed the most signs of attractiveness towards me that I probably have ever experienced. Like minus actual kissing or erotic touching pretty much the vibe we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
Then tonight I went out to see my friends at a bar for a bit. One of my friends gfs was showing a lot of signs of being attracted to me. Like playing with her hair, throwing her hair to the other side exposing he neck to me, and looking at me and giggling a lot. This is also probably the most sign of attraction I have gotten from her as well.
I was also back into the state I experienced the first week into B where I just felt a lot more in the moment and out of my head than usual. The weird thing was prior to going out I was having a LOT of anxiety building up in me then BOOM as soon as im out at the bar it was gone.
On another note I think things are done with me and kinky girl. So in my last post I talked about how she didn't respond to my last text I sent out about letting me know if she wanted to hang after her party. Well Since then i haven't heard anything from her besides her liking one of my fb posts. So I hit her up earlier tonight and asked if she wanted to hang out. She said she looked like trash and had her hair was up(she knows i like it when her hair is down and shes all prettied up) So I said "if you pretty uo for me real quick Ill come give you a visit
". To which she replied "not happening", ssomething something excuse. Im like "lol well then..." To which she freaks out saying its rude that I only want to see her when shes decent looking yada yada. I stay calm and say "im sorry if i made you feel bad, that wasnt my intention. I think youre cute either way, I just like the prettied up look, thats all." Which then sends her on another tangent about how she hates wearing make up, likes wearing her hair down being in hoodies ect ect and if i cant accept her like that then i dont deserve to see her at all. To which I replied "Fair enough" And then that was it. I wasnt going to explain myself anymore, I already said I thought she was cute either way and that was just my preference. I didn't think it was necessary for her to g off on some dramatic tangent. I feel like even as just hooking up is concerned it might not be the best for me anymore. I know she has a troubled past and emotional issues . Her dad was never there for her and her last boyfriend was abusive. It seemed like once she saw that I was sticking to not drinking anymore and that I was dedicated to bettering my life that she wasnt as interested in hooking up and became hostile. I think she might think im too good for her and is more drawn to emotionally damaged individuals that dont know where they're going in life and don't treat her well, unfortunately. Kind of sad its ending even though we wernt technically dating and I told her I wasn't interested in that. I still cared about her as a person and we had a lot of fun times together. She was a sweet girl. Like I said though its probably for the best as we are on diverging paths in life. I wish her the best. I hope she learns to cope and get past some of her issues and finds a guy that treats her well.