03-27-2018, 02:06 AM
Day 123
The feeling in the neck did not appear which means there might be something wrong with the previous phone speaker. Which also means that the period during which I was using the faulty phone may not somehow count in my usage. There was a negative effect which is confirmed but do I need to increase the usage / time for the sub I do not know.
Overall I am behaving quite smooth now. I still feel the sub is targeting old / deep issues. Mother of a boy who had abused me in childhood appeared unexpectedly. She does not know what happened. I met her for a brief time. I could not speak properly and could just nod and say yes and only manage brief answers. I just walked out of there after about a minute.
I feel I am avoiding facing things. One is the main childhood issue and other are just routine matters.
I have been thinking about a lot of things in my life about my work home and personal stuff. I find that my perspective has changed a lot. I see things in a different manner. Maybe because I feel the sub has made me accept a lot of external things / matters. I have kind of grown up in some way. Mature might not be the correct word, maybe wise.
I have become a lot less sensitive to driving tension. I can control myself and let go of other peoples bad driving habits. Its not 100% but quite major.
With my family I am still very sensitive. I am still having difficulty ignoring stuff my wife does which bothers me. It is not nothing major, just routine small things around the house. Although I have become more open and able to express myself better, I feel that the problem of expressing myself is still there. I want to say something to someone but I feel I cannot speak, like I do not have a tongue. There seems to be no possibility to speak. This happens with only certain topics / special things. This normally does not affect the routine talk. Sometime it does.
The feeling in the neck did not appear which means there might be something wrong with the previous phone speaker. Which also means that the period during which I was using the faulty phone may not somehow count in my usage. There was a negative effect which is confirmed but do I need to increase the usage / time for the sub I do not know.
Overall I am behaving quite smooth now. I still feel the sub is targeting old / deep issues. Mother of a boy who had abused me in childhood appeared unexpectedly. She does not know what happened. I met her for a brief time. I could not speak properly and could just nod and say yes and only manage brief answers. I just walked out of there after about a minute.
I feel I am avoiding facing things. One is the main childhood issue and other are just routine matters.
I have been thinking about a lot of things in my life about my work home and personal stuff. I find that my perspective has changed a lot. I see things in a different manner. Maybe because I feel the sub has made me accept a lot of external things / matters. I have kind of grown up in some way. Mature might not be the correct word, maybe wise.
I have become a lot less sensitive to driving tension. I can control myself and let go of other peoples bad driving habits. Its not 100% but quite major.
With my family I am still very sensitive. I am still having difficulty ignoring stuff my wife does which bothers me. It is not nothing major, just routine small things around the house. Although I have become more open and able to express myself better, I feel that the problem of expressing myself is still there. I want to say something to someone but I feel I cannot speak, like I do not have a tongue. There seems to be no possibility to speak. This happens with only certain topics / special things. This normally does not affect the routine talk. Sometime it does.
E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 317 days: UMS 210 days...
