Clearing is happening. I wasn't looking for it today, as I was seeking the opposite: something familiar.
It happened about 30 minutes ago. I got off work earlier than normal, I went shopping, went to a gas station, then came home.
I'd had this idea to come home after shopping, then hit the library to study for my CDL. Libraries used to be a sanctuary for me, as talking is not encouraged, and millions of distractions (books, magazines, etc.) are available for me to hide out in. My plan has changed due to realizations I had in the last 30 minutes.
First off, I felt uncomfortable trying to put up my normal front while shopping. I usually try to be sweet to cashiers to make myself known, and I did, some. I felt like something/someone new was inhabiting me, and he was doing honesty checks pretty continuously. I felt a resistance rise while putting on my front, and I was not as bold as I normally am. I felt weaker than normal.
I headed to the gas station, and a truck pulled up behind me at a light. They tapped their horn, and I assumed it was a friend of mine since he rides a new white truck. I waved confusingly since i was looking in my scooter mirror (my ride), not seeing clearly, and I put complete dependence on this friend I rarely contact--I did this, automatically.
What shook me was the truck pulled behind me in the gas station, and it was a girl driving. I felt ashamed/unimportant......and I wanted to not be there. I ignored her purposely, and I realized a guy was riding shotgun when I left the station. I resumed to belittle myself.
I came home wanting to hide. I'd really wanted a brother figure, my heart and hope went there, and I was shaken.
I felt like I lost control, again. I look for others to esteem me often, I JUMPED on it today, and.....it is gone.
I'm trying to piece this together with the sub's affects. I've held to this image, this thought of someone else giving me value. I've done it my whole life. Has it worked? 20 minutes over here, 3 minutes there, a minute there..............not much. It takes a lot of work on my part to get some return from others. I'm sure it's not working FOR me.
And Shannon put this on the UD sales page.
"Universal Detox also includes a healing and clearing component, which will activate if there is anything that stands in the way of the program executing. In other words, if some part of you does not want to cooperate, the program is designed to get you to try to heal and clear the reason so you can execute it and achieve its goals."
I asked Shannon if these components were in SE, and he said yes. I truly believe my beliefs are being challenged, and changed. I've been resisting, and I'm facing a strong force. I'm not sure where it's going, but......it's going. Daily, it is going.
I'm actually very grateful this is active. I'd be seeking/searching/grasping for esteem everywhere. Or feeling like a failure in not achieving it. However, I am being corrected in the moment, and that is a real gift.
It happened about 30 minutes ago. I got off work earlier than normal, I went shopping, went to a gas station, then came home.
I'd had this idea to come home after shopping, then hit the library to study for my CDL. Libraries used to be a sanctuary for me, as talking is not encouraged, and millions of distractions (books, magazines, etc.) are available for me to hide out in. My plan has changed due to realizations I had in the last 30 minutes.
First off, I felt uncomfortable trying to put up my normal front while shopping. I usually try to be sweet to cashiers to make myself known, and I did, some. I felt like something/someone new was inhabiting me, and he was doing honesty checks pretty continuously. I felt a resistance rise while putting on my front, and I was not as bold as I normally am. I felt weaker than normal.
I headed to the gas station, and a truck pulled up behind me at a light. They tapped their horn, and I assumed it was a friend of mine since he rides a new white truck. I waved confusingly since i was looking in my scooter mirror (my ride), not seeing clearly, and I put complete dependence on this friend I rarely contact--I did this, automatically.
What shook me was the truck pulled behind me in the gas station, and it was a girl driving. I felt ashamed/unimportant......and I wanted to not be there. I ignored her purposely, and I realized a guy was riding shotgun when I left the station. I resumed to belittle myself.
I came home wanting to hide. I'd really wanted a brother figure, my heart and hope went there, and I was shaken.
I felt like I lost control, again. I look for others to esteem me often, I JUMPED on it today, and.....it is gone.
I'm trying to piece this together with the sub's affects. I've held to this image, this thought of someone else giving me value. I've done it my whole life. Has it worked? 20 minutes over here, 3 minutes there, a minute there..............not much. It takes a lot of work on my part to get some return from others. I'm sure it's not working FOR me.
And Shannon put this on the UD sales page.
"Universal Detox also includes a healing and clearing component, which will activate if there is anything that stands in the way of the program executing. In other words, if some part of you does not want to cooperate, the program is designed to get you to try to heal and clear the reason so you can execute it and achieve its goals."
I asked Shannon if these components were in SE, and he said yes. I truly believe my beliefs are being challenged, and changed. I've been resisting, and I'm facing a strong force. I'm not sure where it's going, but......it's going. Daily, it is going.
I'm actually very grateful this is active. I'd be seeking/searching/grasping for esteem everywhere. Or feeling like a failure in not achieving it. However, I am being corrected in the moment, and that is a real gift.
I want to be FREE!
