Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

ok, thought I should report.Still no noticeable external results but I think I have a better handle on what is going on internally.

I think I have discovered a feed back loop going on and I'm not sure if the wall deals with this type of thing. Maybe Shannon can chime in on this. Basically I think I have more specifics on one aspect I talked about in my previous post. I'm seeing 2 things happening that are feeding on each other. (1) using negative emotions (hate, anger, rage, major depression, etc) as "fuel" for resistance. I'm starting to notice this pattern of my subconscious using the negative emotions as fuel to fight the subliminal instructions and "when" it doesn't have enough of that fuel it will cause me to go into a state where I keep on thinking about stuff from the past (of which I have many) one after another until I have enough of that negative emotion (usually anger/rage) to go against the script. I notice when I'm in this state its like I just keep going deeper and deeper into this hole of negative emotions and I'm not completely aware of what is going on around me.

I feel like during this time when its going on that my higher brain functions (thinking critically, thinking things through) are completely shutdown. This leads to another thing that is happening. (2) A state of Chaos which makes it harder to execute the script and make the status quo a more appealing option. I see it as due to the wall my subconscious can't escape and it can't just ignore what is going on by saying, "you can't tell me what to do" (I tested it and there was no bloom effect), so it has gone with a state of chaos method. Basically cause as much chaos and instability that trying to execute the script and create those new habits (of thinking/acting) become very unlikely. I would use the example of an chaotic and unstable country. For example, with all the chaos and instability going on in Venezuela right now you wouldn't expect it to become the country on the cutting edge of technology development or economic opportunity would you?

These are connected. Use the negative emotions to fuel resistance and because of all the negative emotions everything becomes chaotic. Then use a chaotic environment (both internally and externally) to create a bias battlefield that gives the status quo a advantage. The chaotic environment then causes even more negative emotions, etc, etc. I hope I explained that well. I guess there is one good thing from this. There is the fact that a lot of the time whatever part of me that is resisting needs to rely on the conscious mind to fuel some of this. I think that points to the idea that without "nudging" the conscious mind to part take in this some how the part that is resisting doesn't have enough energy on its own to successful resist some of the time.

As I've said I think some of this is by causing external chaos as well to feed this whole thing. I just find this whole situation I've been though the last week and half to be too much of a coincidence. I start 3.2B then all of a sudden this external stuff with family members starts which puts even more pressure on my internal emotional stability. Also it escalated because I found out that the insurance company won't cover having a travel maid to escort my mother from Portugal to the US. Now I need to pay from my credit for a trip for my older brother to go get her and a return ticket for her which is really making me really, really pissed off at the moment seeing as all this could have been avoided had she not taken a trip there in the first place. She knows she has panic attacks when she even thinks about going to far from home yet she thought it was some bright idea to go out of the country knowing that (I didn't know her trip was out of country until like the day of).

I'm also getting pissed off because even though they are saying "oh we will pay you back later" I know how they operate. Soon enough when I ask about it they are going to bring up some lame excuse of "don't you remember that time I did this or that for you" bull crap. Yep as soon as I get re-certified in IT I'm getting a good job then ghosting. I'm done dealing with these people who keep on making bad decisions then I have to some how come bail them out. I'm so done dealing with idiotic and toxic people, related or not.

Anyway, back on track I hope this makes sense in what I think is going on. I do have to ask though Shannon is it "possible" for when the subconscious is cornered that it could manifest negative events in order to aid in resisting? Not necessarily having to deal with he goals of the sub (kind of like reversal resistance) but just general negative events? I just find too much of this external stuff going on right now to be too much of a coincidence.