03-04-2018, 10:44 AM
Day 100
Overall i feel very calm and peaceful. Even I had an emotional blockage or I would say I felt bad and had a major fight / conflict within the family. I stopped speaking to certain people for few days. It was resolved quite easily.
Now whenever I feel angry / upset, I can respond rather than react to the situation quite better. The emotions do not bother me so much that i lose control. I may be acting in the same manner but it feels more like i am doing on purpose rather than impulse / anger / emotion.
Today during the daytime when i was lying down, somehow I remembered an incident which happened in my childhood. The original incident finished prematurely. I was lucky and nothing much happened. But today I was just feeling pity on me and making up a story of what might have happened. In the first version I was killed and my dead body was found. In the 2nd version I survived miraculously and was taken to hospital and spend a long time there. My mind was making alternate versions whether I would survive to grow up or died in the hospital. All the time I was making such huge self pity and victim feeling. I was almost crying. I was visualizing about what people / family were doing, what were they feeling, what was i feeling and how it was happening and i am feeling so much victim.
I had suffered from depression in the past and had undergone therapy and also some medication for that. So I can realize what ever happens emotionally to me. But this was an isolated incident. I mean to say that overall I had no depression kinda feeling. It just came as I was lying down and got me into tears. When I got up and continued with my day it just vanished like nothing happened.
It maybe that the subliminal is starting to touch my early life memories.
Another thing which is happening these days is that I am feeling very demotivated. I do not want to do anything. Its not like depression. Its like I do not want to do anything and I feel ok with it. It is different from procrastination also. I am still feeling very calm.
Overall i feel very calm and peaceful. Even I had an emotional blockage or I would say I felt bad and had a major fight / conflict within the family. I stopped speaking to certain people for few days. It was resolved quite easily.
Now whenever I feel angry / upset, I can respond rather than react to the situation quite better. The emotions do not bother me so much that i lose control. I may be acting in the same manner but it feels more like i am doing on purpose rather than impulse / anger / emotion.
Today during the daytime when i was lying down, somehow I remembered an incident which happened in my childhood. The original incident finished prematurely. I was lucky and nothing much happened. But today I was just feeling pity on me and making up a story of what might have happened. In the first version I was killed and my dead body was found. In the 2nd version I survived miraculously and was taken to hospital and spend a long time there. My mind was making alternate versions whether I would survive to grow up or died in the hospital. All the time I was making such huge self pity and victim feeling. I was almost crying. I was visualizing about what people / family were doing, what were they feeling, what was i feeling and how it was happening and i am feeling so much victim.
I had suffered from depression in the past and had undergone therapy and also some medication for that. So I can realize what ever happens emotionally to me. But this was an isolated incident. I mean to say that overall I had no depression kinda feeling. It just came as I was lying down and got me into tears. When I got up and continued with my day it just vanished like nothing happened.
It maybe that the subliminal is starting to touch my early life memories.
Another thing which is happening these days is that I am feeling very demotivated. I do not want to do anything. Its not like depression. Its like I do not want to do anything and I feel ok with it. It is different from procrastination also. I am still feeling very calm.
E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 317 days: UMS 210 days...
