03-02-2018, 11:06 AM
(03-02-2018, 06:25 AM)Nox Wrote: Day 8
I tend to think faster than I can talk. Way faster. I normally talk slowly but sometimes it's like a switch connects and I talk super fast. Then there's the times when the switch half clicks and my talking speed goes up but my words get jumbled. I haven't felt the need to speed up my talking speed as I just don't think there's anyone worth speeding up for. I stop mid sentence and make people wait before I finish if I don't have the right word on my tongue.
If possible, I care even less about people than I did a couple of days ago. I think I may be on the verge of sociopath. This is strange for me as I've always liked helping others. Not out of weakness but because years ago I saw the value of being a person who was able to help. It's never been about appreciation. It's been about the world being a slightly better place so that others can also do better and find their way. As of right now i dont care about the world. If you're not one of the handful of people I care about I don't see myself helping you. I feel zero empathy for others. When youre normally an empath you can imagine how insane this would feel.
Yesterday i had the thought wondering if I was executing properly and received the firm answer of "No." I've done somethings that give me an interesting connection to my subconscious so i could tell it was a clear answer.
I asked why I wasn't executing and the answer came back "Because deep down you don't care if you do or not." Strange answer. Doesn't affect me either way. It's true I don't care if I execute or not as I'm mostly concerned about the H&C and side benefits of the main goal. As long as I get those I'm still happy with the sub. Will be interesting to see if the sub still changes me to cause a desire for and ability to execute.
This rings partially true for me too. Odd. I really really really want the design goal consciously but I have little dmsi success versus more resistance or stonewalling. I wonder if my subconscious is rationalizing the same or something similar to what Nox pointed out.
