07-28-2017, 03:07 AM
Listening to DMSI sometimes feels like walking in circles. It is not (as whenever I choose to think about, I can see heaploads of changes and notice pretty powerful effects), but it sure as hell does feel like it at times. 
Anyroad, pressing on. Currently using ver. A, 2 loops morning, 2 loops evening. Noticed that such a set up brings up a lot of *weird* stuff - as in it is either radical healing/clearing, or radical resistance. I am not so sure whether it is one or the other, as masking is a factor. F. in. oftentimes I am thinking about stuff that is (at least seemingly) totally unrelated to DMSI's goals, doing day-to-day stuff, etc., with nothing happening, yet internally feel like crap/like my gut is being torn to shreds from the inside out.
Since I presume that it pays off to stay the course while the going is the hardest (at least that is the general conclusion I have come to from reading other journal's and Shannon's advice contained therein), I will be staying the course of 2 loops day/2 loops evening for the time being, as it is kicking my ass.
I had a very strong urge to shoot myself in the foot and spend all my money for groceries this month on the newest MLS, but it has passed. The reason for that is that *I know* it would kick ass and I'd totally ace executing the thing with very little stuff to heal/clear (heck, DMSI ver. A has taken care of most of that already, I think). Thing is, though - I should be friggin' executing DMSI with comparable power and effectiveness, oy! I've had enough of coming up with dumb excuses to not execute the goddamn script, grr, subconsciously or not, or fucking myself over or self-sabotaging out of some dumb fears of inadequacy. The only way to execute the script is to execute the script. Simple as that. Herp derp derp.
BTW., one thing I noticed - some women, when exposed to my awesome auric presence for extended periods of time, start acting like they are suffering from hysteria - possibly due to an overload of sexual arousal and blocking themselves from relieving it by doing what they should be doing (i. e.: having sex with me
). This mostly applies to younger women of Catholic background/virgins/girls suffering from a case of acute girl-oneitis (as in - *wife material*). They also engage in avoidant behavior of a weird kind - they seem to be afraid of staying alone with me (most probably because they can feel that they might be unable to control themselves in such a scenario); thus, they seek out contact, but only when there are other people around (which is annoying, because all other signs otherwise indicate they are hot, bothered and ready to go). I'll need to make some more observations and field test it a bit more. It is possible I am not executing the script to its full extent yet, though, or there might be a leak there that must be plugged. Dunno.
I do assume that, given enough time, they'll find a rationalization or excuse to engage in some dirty lovemaking with the wonderful author of this here Internet post, though.
Anyroad, pressing on. Currently using ver. A, 2 loops morning, 2 loops evening. Noticed that such a set up brings up a lot of *weird* stuff - as in it is either radical healing/clearing, or radical resistance. I am not so sure whether it is one or the other, as masking is a factor. F. in. oftentimes I am thinking about stuff that is (at least seemingly) totally unrelated to DMSI's goals, doing day-to-day stuff, etc., with nothing happening, yet internally feel like crap/like my gut is being torn to shreds from the inside out.
Since I presume that it pays off to stay the course while the going is the hardest (at least that is the general conclusion I have come to from reading other journal's and Shannon's advice contained therein), I will be staying the course of 2 loops day/2 loops evening for the time being, as it is kicking my ass.
I had a very strong urge to shoot myself in the foot and spend all my money for groceries this month on the newest MLS, but it has passed. The reason for that is that *I know* it would kick ass and I'd totally ace executing the thing with very little stuff to heal/clear (heck, DMSI ver. A has taken care of most of that already, I think). Thing is, though - I should be friggin' executing DMSI with comparable power and effectiveness, oy! I've had enough of coming up with dumb excuses to not execute the goddamn script, grr, subconsciously or not, or fucking myself over or self-sabotaging out of some dumb fears of inadequacy. The only way to execute the script is to execute the script. Simple as that. Herp derp derp.
BTW., one thing I noticed - some women, when exposed to my awesome auric presence for extended periods of time, start acting like they are suffering from hysteria - possibly due to an overload of sexual arousal and blocking themselves from relieving it by doing what they should be doing (i. e.: having sex with me
). This mostly applies to younger women of Catholic background/virgins/girls suffering from a case of acute girl-oneitis (as in - *wife material*). They also engage in avoidant behavior of a weird kind - they seem to be afraid of staying alone with me (most probably because they can feel that they might be unable to control themselves in such a scenario); thus, they seek out contact, but only when there are other people around (which is annoying, because all other signs otherwise indicate they are hot, bothered and ready to go). I'll need to make some more observations and field test it a bit more. It is possible I am not executing the script to its full extent yet, though, or there might be a leak there that must be plugged. Dunno.I do assume that, given enough time, they'll find a rationalization or excuse to engage in some dirty lovemaking with the wonderful author of this here Internet post, though.
