Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, things just got worst for some reason and I could really use some feedback.

So, I stopped the sub, obviously, and then something else popped up. So, it was like earlier this week I was angry at myself this week about whatever is holding me back and sabotaging my efforts. Then earlier today I got really depressed after I started thinking about some Asian woman acting really racist towards me last week and how I had another two prospects the aura was working on just go down hill this weekend. After that I started having suicidal thoughts for like 45 minutes. Just thinking about why whatever I'm fearing won't allow me to progress, this sense of hopeless like I can't get past whatever it is I fear and then just wanting to end it all. Not to worry though I don't think I will be giving into that voice but it is sudden seeing as I haven't had such thoughts for about 2 years now.

I guess part of the depression came from the fact that I've tried so hard to change, put myself out there, and become vulnerable only to be treated like crap in return. Its making me want to retreat back into myself again. I i'm wondering if this is due to some bloom affect? Should I just keep running the sub anyway or maybe I should just take a total break from subs for a while.