05-09-2017, 11:23 AM
Quick update again. Yesterday I was soooo horny all the time. I really could have fapped endless. But as much I wanted to (did once) in one way, in another way I felt like "ehhh, no, that's boring". I think in the past I would have done it several times the day.
Today I had a dream where I was almost vomiting because I ate some bad fish. As I woke up after the dream I really felt like having a slightly upset stomach. This might be resistance as I listened to my loops much louder yesterday but I also wonder if the fast energy extraction from food can also cause some upset stomach in long term. As I was out for dinner later I maybe had an IOI but it was too weak to say this for sure.
However, at the moment the focus seems to be internal. I am thinking a lot about the past and listened old songs from my childhood (like "The Final Countdown"). I also have to think a lot about how I socialized when I was a kid and I really wish I would have been even forced to do more. Actually I think it would have been great if my parents had forced me to join scouts or something similar. Yes, I really think forcing me to do this would had a good impact for me in long term.
On the other note I notice some increased tendency to sabotage the results like drinking coffee or beer (state shifting) or even the urge to listen to hybrid (more resistance or even stonewalling for my type, but I didn't). Compared to what was in the past it is laughable but it is there. Anyway, as I thought about it then a thought crossed my mind like "this is the last resistance, no more left". Maybe I can have my breakthrough soon.
Today I had a dream where I was almost vomiting because I ate some bad fish. As I woke up after the dream I really felt like having a slightly upset stomach. This might be resistance as I listened to my loops much louder yesterday but I also wonder if the fast energy extraction from food can also cause some upset stomach in long term. As I was out for dinner later I maybe had an IOI but it was too weak to say this for sure.
However, at the moment the focus seems to be internal. I am thinking a lot about the past and listened old songs from my childhood (like "The Final Countdown"). I also have to think a lot about how I socialized when I was a kid and I really wish I would have been even forced to do more. Actually I think it would have been great if my parents had forced me to join scouts or something similar. Yes, I really think forcing me to do this would had a good impact for me in long term.
On the other note I notice some increased tendency to sabotage the results like drinking coffee or beer (state shifting) or even the urge to listen to hybrid (more resistance or even stonewalling for my type, but I didn't). Compared to what was in the past it is laughable but it is there. Anyway, as I thought about it then a thought crossed my mind like "this is the last resistance, no more left". Maybe I can have my breakthrough soon.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
