Day 35
Currently listening to: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wop99PIQHa4
The last few posts have been about all of the experiences I've had with women. I haven't really posted anything about all of the internal changes that DMSI has made within me. I figured I would start with an external example and use that to segway into where I am internally these days.
A called me about two days ago. I was in the middle of dealing with a work matter. I let the phone go to VM. 15 minutes she called again. I once again let it go to VM. Then she called yet again 30 minutes later. I was still buried in work, but decided to pick up.
After the first few minutes of pleasantries, she asked what I was doing and told me she called me twice before. I said I saw, I was working. She then tells me that she doesn't think we can have sex and last week was a mistake.
Now, I was in the middle of resolving a work matter and I was really focused on that. I honestly didn't care what she was thinking or how she felt. So I told her to stop overreacting and feeling guilty about it and I would see her next week.
She replied she would only meet me as friends. I wasn't in the mood, so I asked her how many times she finger f*cked herself in the past week while thinking about me. She said I was an asshole for talking to her like that. I told her that she didn't deny it. And then I asked her again how many times.
She got quiet for a few seconds and then replied a few times. I told her the reality is better than the fantasy and that I would see her next week and we can f*ck then and hung up on her. And I went back to work.
The thing is, I wasn't purposely trying to be an asshole to her. I really just wanted to finish what I was working on, and I knew what she was saying to me was her conscious making her feel guilty. And I knew that her desire was stronger than her loyalty. And, in the end, I'm the one doing her a favor. She hasn't been sexually satisfied in a long time, and I know that I'll break her in bed. Right now, she's just another woman in a list of women that I am intimately involved with in some shape and form.
Which feeds into where I am mentally these days. I can't even begin to describe the internal changes that are occurring within me. I have a complete emotional detachment to most women. Wolverine mentioned this in his journal about feeling primal. I am in many ways feeding into my most basic instincts. In the process of coming to this point, I see things very differently. Especially when it comes to women.
I'm no longer swayed by a woman that is the most attractive. I am interested in the woman that will be the most sexually responsive. Hot women doesn't always translate to hot sex. Guys make that mistake a lot of the times.
And even the idea of getting laid. Sex is the easiest thing right now. When I meet a woman now, I make my intentions clear right from the outset. If one woman doesn't agree with it, it doesn't matter, there's always another that will.
I had a lot of other things I wanted to say, but, I'm writing from a mobile and I want to flesh my internal thoughts out some more. I'll post a detailed update over the weekend. I'm seeing Y tonight also, so that'll be in my next update as well.
I'll close this entry out with the immortal words of Jimi Hendrix -
'Cause if my baby don't love me no more
I know her sister will
Currently listening to: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wop99PIQHa4
The last few posts have been about all of the experiences I've had with women. I haven't really posted anything about all of the internal changes that DMSI has made within me. I figured I would start with an external example and use that to segway into where I am internally these days.
A called me about two days ago. I was in the middle of dealing with a work matter. I let the phone go to VM. 15 minutes she called again. I once again let it go to VM. Then she called yet again 30 minutes later. I was still buried in work, but decided to pick up.
After the first few minutes of pleasantries, she asked what I was doing and told me she called me twice before. I said I saw, I was working. She then tells me that she doesn't think we can have sex and last week was a mistake.
Now, I was in the middle of resolving a work matter and I was really focused on that. I honestly didn't care what she was thinking or how she felt. So I told her to stop overreacting and feeling guilty about it and I would see her next week.
She replied she would only meet me as friends. I wasn't in the mood, so I asked her how many times she finger f*cked herself in the past week while thinking about me. She said I was an asshole for talking to her like that. I told her that she didn't deny it. And then I asked her again how many times.
She got quiet for a few seconds and then replied a few times. I told her the reality is better than the fantasy and that I would see her next week and we can f*ck then and hung up on her. And I went back to work.
The thing is, I wasn't purposely trying to be an asshole to her. I really just wanted to finish what I was working on, and I knew what she was saying to me was her conscious making her feel guilty. And I knew that her desire was stronger than her loyalty. And, in the end, I'm the one doing her a favor. She hasn't been sexually satisfied in a long time, and I know that I'll break her in bed. Right now, she's just another woman in a list of women that I am intimately involved with in some shape and form.
Which feeds into where I am mentally these days. I can't even begin to describe the internal changes that are occurring within me. I have a complete emotional detachment to most women. Wolverine mentioned this in his journal about feeling primal. I am in many ways feeding into my most basic instincts. In the process of coming to this point, I see things very differently. Especially when it comes to women.
I'm no longer swayed by a woman that is the most attractive. I am interested in the woman that will be the most sexually responsive. Hot women doesn't always translate to hot sex. Guys make that mistake a lot of the times.
And even the idea of getting laid. Sex is the easiest thing right now. When I meet a woman now, I make my intentions clear right from the outset. If one woman doesn't agree with it, it doesn't matter, there's always another that will.
I had a lot of other things I wanted to say, but, I'm writing from a mobile and I want to flesh my internal thoughts out some more. I'll post a detailed update over the weekend. I'm seeing Y tonight also, so that'll be in my next update as well.
I'll close this entry out with the immortal words of Jimi Hendrix -
'Cause if my baby don't love me no more
I know her sister will
