Hello all!
Wow.
I'm humbled so many of you took time out of your day to write comments on my new journal.
I'll settle a few things I've seen pop up with more information:
-I don't sit idle waiting for the sub to work. I'm very socially extroverted and charismatic, and give DMSI prime opportunities around large groups of attractive females I know in various degrees. In fact, I'm so extroverted and charismatic, that the 3 women in my life who have been told I was a virgin, to this day don't seem to believe it. One in particular is convinced it's a line, lol. That's a credit to me I suppose. I don't fit the stereotype of the introverted guy having issues with women is what I'm saying, and these women seem to have the same view judging by their responses.
-I certainly don't go around telling women I am a virgin. That would indeed probably raise alarm bells in women's heads especially by my age. And/or put pressure on them to live up to some ideal with me. All I want is normalcy, so I wouldn't put that on them ever. The 3 women who know were/are particularly close to me, so I was comfortable telling them. The rest of the tons and tons and tons of women I know in various degrees, have never been told. And due to my personality and demeanor etc. would not have any idea.
-The biggest reason why I would not hire a hooker is because several of my beliefs about myself and women are things like "they're impossible to get", "they only want me for my money/status" "I'm not good enough to get them without that" and the like. So, given those beliefs, that you've all seen remain to be powerful despite the escalation of DMSI's technology, surrendering to paying a woman to have sex with me after all this time for my first time ever, for me would do nothing but just deeply reaffirm those beliefs in reality once more. The EXACT thing I'm trying to stop, I'm actively resisting strengthening those beliefs at any cost, I want them gone and better ones to take their place so maybe DMSI can work for me someday. So, you see, for me, getting a hooker would be the worst thing I could do. Never mind the fact that because there's no real attraction or intimacy it would feel awkward or pointless to me. And I have no interest without that, I don't feel sex has value to me personally without mutual attraction and intimacy. I mean I'd be buying access to a girl who isn't attracted to me, and it only doing it for money. Which feels like I'm selling myself short by buying access and admitting to myself I can never do it without buying it and just strengthening those garbage beliefs about women and myself in my mind, making developing even HARDER than it is now. This isn't just about sex to me, it's about my mind and my beliefs, and not wanting toxic beliefs strengthened through a once in a lifetime experience. That could really set me back. These beliefs have enough history rooted in real life events, trust me on that. I don't think I'd be wise to further strengthen them through more real life events, especially one that is once in a lifetime, that would stick with me forever. I've been looking for real life events to COUNTER these beliefs to remove them once and for all
.
However, each one of you has given me things to think about. Including Darkness. I appreciate your genuine real talk feelings and passion about it and all your thoughts on this, you have given me some great points. As have all of you, in fact.
I'm thankful for each one of you, your time, and your thoughts.
Wow.
I'm humbled so many of you took time out of your day to write comments on my new journal.
I'll settle a few things I've seen pop up with more information:
-I don't sit idle waiting for the sub to work. I'm very socially extroverted and charismatic, and give DMSI prime opportunities around large groups of attractive females I know in various degrees. In fact, I'm so extroverted and charismatic, that the 3 women in my life who have been told I was a virgin, to this day don't seem to believe it. One in particular is convinced it's a line, lol. That's a credit to me I suppose. I don't fit the stereotype of the introverted guy having issues with women is what I'm saying, and these women seem to have the same view judging by their responses.
-I certainly don't go around telling women I am a virgin. That would indeed probably raise alarm bells in women's heads especially by my age. And/or put pressure on them to live up to some ideal with me. All I want is normalcy, so I wouldn't put that on them ever. The 3 women who know were/are particularly close to me, so I was comfortable telling them. The rest of the tons and tons and tons of women I know in various degrees, have never been told. And due to my personality and demeanor etc. would not have any idea.
-The biggest reason why I would not hire a hooker is because several of my beliefs about myself and women are things like "they're impossible to get", "they only want me for my money/status" "I'm not good enough to get them without that" and the like. So, given those beliefs, that you've all seen remain to be powerful despite the escalation of DMSI's technology, surrendering to paying a woman to have sex with me after all this time for my first time ever, for me would do nothing but just deeply reaffirm those beliefs in reality once more. The EXACT thing I'm trying to stop, I'm actively resisting strengthening those beliefs at any cost, I want them gone and better ones to take their place so maybe DMSI can work for me someday. So, you see, for me, getting a hooker would be the worst thing I could do. Never mind the fact that because there's no real attraction or intimacy it would feel awkward or pointless to me. And I have no interest without that, I don't feel sex has value to me personally without mutual attraction and intimacy. I mean I'd be buying access to a girl who isn't attracted to me, and it only doing it for money. Which feels like I'm selling myself short by buying access and admitting to myself I can never do it without buying it and just strengthening those garbage beliefs about women and myself in my mind, making developing even HARDER than it is now. This isn't just about sex to me, it's about my mind and my beliefs, and not wanting toxic beliefs strengthened through a once in a lifetime experience. That could really set me back. These beliefs have enough history rooted in real life events, trust me on that. I don't think I'd be wise to further strengthen them through more real life events, especially one that is once in a lifetime, that would stick with me forever. I've been looking for real life events to COUNTER these beliefs to remove them once and for all
. However, each one of you has given me things to think about. Including Darkness. I appreciate your genuine real talk feelings and passion about it and all your thoughts on this, you have given me some great points. As have all of you, in fact.
I'm thankful for each one of you, your time, and your thoughts.
