02-27-2017, 05:55 PM
Quote:I just want to call myself out on this because in the few journal entries before I posted this I clearly saw myself attempting to sabotage my progress by quitting the clearing prematurely. Despite being consciously aware of my inclination to run away from the clearing, I ran anyway. It's like I put up no real fight against running away. I just did it. And I was so oblivious to the fact that I ran -- it looked to me like I just wanted to test B. And if you had asked me then, I truly would did believe I just wanted to test B.
Err well.. yes. Good description of me, how did you know?!
I told myself "I got over this huge intensity and not feeling it the same, so it's okay to goto B" when really I still felt a bit like crap and an aura wasn't projecting. But I convinced myself it might on B even though it wasn't on A at all.
I was kind of like "yeah I feel like using B is ok". But it's showing me it wasn't, i'm having weird reations that i'll post in a minute in my journal.
Oh and I also changed to B a bit after the day of the breakthrough when I had attention.. fear based of 'maybe this is too good' possibly.
